MUSICBOX
Author:
Sue
Pairings:
B/G, W/S...X/A
Disclaimer:
All hail Joss! You own everything here but the plot (yeah...I'm really generous
to myself here...*g*) so you and the people at WB, ME and Fox don't sue me and
I'll keep making happy dances around my 'ole computer!;-)
Rating:
Hm...I guess PG13 for use of bad words, A, Character’s death.
Spoilers:
General knowledge...nothing major...
Timeline
: Waaaaay AU
Summary:
Bite me I really suck at it
Distribution:
My site: Due uomini e una gatta, if you want it, drop me a note and it’ll be
yours:)
Notes:
This is my first BTVS fic ever...I hope it doesn't suck...not too much, at
least. I ignore many events of the fourth season (I'd say it's easy to do that
since I've just read the transcripts), I'm playing in my little world here...
where you'll find sappiness, angst, a little smut (not much, I couldn't write
nc17 even if my life depended on it;-) and my heart in it....I hope you enjoy!
Feedbacks:
Help yourselves, but be gentle, English is not my language...no flames,
though...they're not healthy!;-DD
To
my own Scooby Gang (Ettore, Federico, Fla and AnnaLaura,): you ROCK my
world!;-)
And
as always to Sabrina and MVDC...honeys? You're so much more than my best
friends ...you're my better half and I cherish our bond and our friendship as
the most precious thing in the world
Music Box – prologo -
*****
JUNE 2000*****
"Do
you have the foggiest idea, why we're here?" Xander Harris asked Spike.
They
were in an hotel outside Sunnydale, all gathered in a bedroom except for Buffy
and Giles.
The blonde vampire just shrugged then looking
at him asked, "Do I look like I bloody know something about it? All I know
is that Red, said this was a special meeting for the Scooby Gang...even for the
reluctant members of it"
"Yep
Fang Boy, I know that...I read the note too!"
"Did
you? Really? Then why don't you just shut the hell up and wait like the rest of
us?"
"Jeez,
Spike! Cranky Much?" Xander commented shaking his head. Anya snuggled
against his neck, placing soft, hot kisses behind his ear, and he pretty much
forgot what he was talking with the vampire about.
Spike,
just shook his head, then raising his voice asked, "Hey Red? Are you going
to start talking anytime soon....say in this century? Not that I'm in a
hurry...I'm dead after all, but the blokes here" He pointed at Xander and
Anya who were kissing on the armchair they were sitting on, "might have other plans for the night..."
Willow
tilted her head up, she got up from the bed, then said, "Right!
Well...hmm...the reason we're all here tonight...is that I wanted to talk to
you guys about Buffy and Giles"
There
was a moment of silence in the room, then Spike, voicing the thoughts of all
the people in the room said, "Huh?"
"Huh,
indeed" Xander added.
"W...well...I...I...think
you all noticed what's going on between the two of them..."
"That
would be?" Xander asked, ignoring Spike's knowing glare.
The
blonde vampire was obviously understanding what Willow was referring to.
"You
know...Buffy and Giles......how they look at each other....how they touch each
other...the adamant silences?" she said gesturing with her hands
"That
whole Father and Daughter crap?" Spike added without looking at Xander
"Again
I go with a huh?" Xander said looking at Willow.
"Hmm...what
I...I'm trying to say is that Buffy and Giles are..."
"Hopelessly
in love with each other?" Xander said, not quite believing it.
"Yes!"
both Spike and Willow said
"Duh!"
was all Anya said.
"Are
you sure about that?" Xander asked. The others just glared at him, "I
mean there's a little sexual tension there.."
The
others kept glaring at him, Spike even raised his eyebrows. Xander nodded and
said, "Ok, way too much sexual tension..." he stopped talking, then
muttered, "Nice image...Giles on hormone parade...that sure as hell is
going to lull me to sleep tonight.." He shook his head and added,
"but...didn't you see how they've been treating each other for the last
year? How do you call it?"
"Denial,
stubbornness, pride, fear to be hurt...take your pick, kid..." Spike said
lighting a cigarette.
"Uhm...Spike?
Would you please..?" Willow asked pointing at the cigarette.
"Forget
it, Red..." Spike mumbled, "I'm losing my favorite tv show right now,
the least you can do is letting me smoke my cigarettes!"
"Whatever"
Willow said shaking her head. She took a deep breath then added, "I don't
know what the rest of you think about it but I'm sick of this
charade...you...you don't live with Buffy...you have no idea how hard it
is!"
"Like
hell!" Spike snapped, "Red? I live with the Watcher, remember? Trust
me, I bloody know how you feel!"
Willow
and Spike exchanged a look, then Willow getting close to him asked,
"Pacing?"
"He's
going to wear a hole in the floor..." he smiled getting up from his chair,
then added, "crankiness?"
"Way
too much for my taste…venting?" she placed her hands on her hips.
"Endless!
Moans in the night caused by very erotic *and* loud dreams?" he crossed
his arms over his chest smiling.
"Don't
even go there, please! It's way embarrassing! Cold showers in the morning
?"
"And
in the afternoon, after training" he added.
The
others looked quite fascinated at the witch and the vampire, talking about God
knew what...they had gotten closer and they were both smiling
"We
gotta do something, they've gotten to a point where..." she started
"It's
not even funny anymore..." he finished
"Uhm...guys?
Care to share with the rest of the class, here? Helloo?" Xander said
waving at them.
Willow
and Spike were still looking at each other, they were both smiling. Spike
couldn't help staring at the little witch. She usually seemed shy, but, now he
could see fire and determination in her eyes. For a second he wondered how it
would have been seeing that fire in her eyes in other circumstances.
A
female tap of cough made him start. Spike raised his head toward the noise, it
was Tara, Willow's girlfriend. The young woman had approached them, she was
behind Willow now.
"Well?
What are we going to do, now?" Tara asked, looking at him and placing a
hand on Willow's shoulder.
<
My...my, someone is getting territorial >
Spike
thought smiling. He shook his head and said, "I don't know, ask Red
here..."
"We
need a plan" Willow stated firmly.
"Duh!
Thanks Will, we hadn't figured out that one!"
Xander
exclaimed. He didn't know whether Willow was right but he trusted her. Besides,
he'd had his own suspicions about Buffy and Giles lately. Since they'd begun training
together again, he'd felt a little awkward whenever he'd watched them.
Awkward?
Hell, from time to time he'd almost felt like a voyeur!
"So,
what are we going to do, Red? You called the meeting, it's up to you"
Spike said
Anya
interrupted him saying, "We could make him jealous"
Spike
snorted, "After Poof boy, that Parker prick and GI Joe? Face it kids, that
man is as thick as a bloody brick wall! He's jealous...rotten jealous, but he'd
never show her..."
"He
has a point" Xander admitted.
"Then
we could make *her* jealous...she didn't like Olivia that much" Willow
said
"She
told you that?" Xander asked
"Hmm...I'd
say she used more colorful words..." she mumbled
Spike
chuckled and muttered, "Bad Slayer..."
He
didn't know why it was so important to him that both the Slayer and the Watcher
came to their senses and saw what they all had long ago noticed...that they
belonged together.
It
wasn't like he cared for them...was it?
Spike
shook his head, suddenly uncomfortable with that thought. All he knew was that
once he'd gotten Willow's note he'd rushed to the hotel, only to find the whole
Scooby Gang there.
What
he couldn't understand was why he'd almost expected them to be alone ...and why
the others' presence had upset him to no end.
"We
could tie them up and shove them in a closet" Anya muttered.
"Yeah,"
Willow said, "Then we could take the longest run ever...she's the
Slayer... and when he's angry tends to go..."
"Ripperish?"
Xander ended with a shrug
"Yep"
they all said.
Anya
shrugged and said, "I just wanted to help..."
Xander
patted her leg and said, "You're helping, love..."
"Really?"
she asked smiling
"Really"
he reassured her.
She
leaned toward him and kissed him. Spike followed the scene for a second, then
shaking his head asked, "What about we just lead them to admit their
feelings?"
"Duh,
Spike!" Xander said, stopping kissing Anya, "How insightful of
you!"
Six
pair of eyes turned toward him in surprise, Xander looked around then asked,
"W...what?"
"
'Insightful' Xand? When did you learn this word?" Willow asked, surprised.
"Contrary
to popular belief Will, I actually managed to listen and learn when Giles
talks...and just because I choose not to...."
He
was stopped by the other's laughters, at first he shook his head, then he
started laughing too. When they recovered Spike said, "There's only a way,
Red! You know that, I know that...we all know that!"
They
eyed each other for a second before saying in unison, "Magic"
"Uh-Oh...that's
*so* going to get us in trouble" Xander said.
"Thanks
for the vote of confidence" Willow wryly replied, she then approached
Spike asking, "Which kind of spell are you thinking about? And since when
are you into magic?"
"I'm
not into magic...it's just that I've seen enough of it over the last
century...and I'm not dense" Spike said.
"A
love spell?" Tara asked
"NO
WAY IN HELL!" Spike shouted. He looked at Willow then marveling said,
"No offence Red...but I don't think they need it..."
"None
taken Spike, and I think you're right...uhm...what about a Mental Reading
thingie?"
"Naa...as
I said, he's too used to hiding his feelings...and she's pretty damn good at it
too..."
They
both fell silent. They paced the room for some minutes, exchanging looks from
time to time, then finally she stopped pacing and said, "A truth
spell?"
"It's
got to be very powerful, Red. The bloody Watcher knows magic...you
know..."
"We
can work something out..."
"We?"
Spike asked, he was all but blinking
"Yes!
Tara, Anya, you and me...we have to set it up very carefully"
Spike
looked at the young woman who was in front of him, losing himself for an
instant in her eyes. Then something happened, he suddenly was able to feel her.
Fragments of her thoughts invaded his mind, he could sense her, he narrowed his
eyes thinking.
~
Are you casting a spell on me, Red? Because I can't stop watching you...I don't
want to...~
Willow
started, surprised to hear Spike's voice in her head. She couldn't understand
what he was saying...but she could sense him.
~
What's happening? Why can I hear you? ~
She
swallowed, when she clearly heard Spike's voice in her mind
~I
don't know, Willow. You tell me...we have to talk about this...~
She
blinked, surprised because Spike had actually used her name, instead of a
nickname. She was going to say something when Xander interrupted her saying,
"Hey...what I'm gonna do here?"
Willow
shook her head, trying to shake Spike's presence away from her mind and smiling
at his friend said, "You? You Xand, are gonna set things in motion when
everything is ready"
"Alright..."
Xander said smiling.
They
went on, planning. They'd decided to leave, when Spike lightly grabbed her
wrist and asked, "Red, do you realize, that if this thing blows up in our
faces we are going to face a very brassed off Watcher and a very brassed off
Slayer, and that some of us could get intimately acquainted with a bloody
stake?"
Spike's
voice had been serious, yet there was a teasing twinkle in his eyes. She smiled
at him and said, "You've gotta give me some credit, Spike...I've improved
a lot lately."
"Yeah,
we'll see." the others had reached the door and were waiting for them,
Spike raised his voice and continued, "In the meantime, I'd like to have a
word with you"
He
looked at Willow's friends and eyed them, then draping an arm around Willow's
shoulders said, "Alone"
Music
Box
-1-
"Where
the hell are they?" Buffy Summers asked, storming into Giles' apartment,
the man followed her inside, then closed the door.
They'd
been out patrolling together. It had been ages since the last time. They'd had
fun together.
Buffy
didn't want to think that for over a year she'd denied herself to be with him,
to be close to him. They'd hurt each other so much, yet now things were
gradually returning to normal...as normal as her life could be.
"I
suppose they didn't leave you a note, did they?" Giles asked
"No...I
can't believe they went out without me...but they brought Spike with
them!" she said sitting on his couch.
Giles
took a deep breath and said, "I am sure they didn't mean to leave you
out..." he headed toward the kitchen and asked, "Would you like some
tea?"
"Yeah...that
would be nice, thanks..." she replied without looking at him.
Giles
smiled at his slayer. She looked stunning that night
<
Who are you trying to fool, Rupert? She *always* looks stunning... even covered
in slime >
Giles
shook his head, while he put the kettle on. He could hear from the kitchen that
Buffy was humming a song. He smiled recognizing it, she was listening to it a
lot, lately.
When
I'm lost, you shine a light for me
And
set me free. When I'm low, you wash
Away
my tears and take me through the
loneliness,
and emptiness, through the
darkest
night, somehow I'll survive.
At
times he was surprised at how she could still enjoy herself...she was humming, after
having dusted three vampires and killed a minor demon, and from her voice he
could detect that she almost seemed happy. He slightly tensed when she hummed
the following verse of the song...was it his imagination, or her voice had been
louder?
Through
it all, when you tell me I'm the
only
one you need, sweet and tenderly,
and
your love breaks away the clouds
surrounding
me All I have I wanna give to thee
He
shook his head, pouring the hot liquid into two cups, he returned in the living
room. Buffy was still sitting on the couch, her head arched, her eyes closed
while she kept humming the song. He noticed though, that she was frowning, it
almost looked like she was really listening to the song's words for the first
time
If
I should fall, your love is strong enough,
to
lift me up. If I'm afraid, oh babe, you chase
away
my tears, and take me to, a brighter place,
beyond
the rain, and I feel alright, 'cause, you're
By
my side. Through it all, when you tell me I'm the
the
only one you need, sweet and tenderly, and your
love
breaks away the clouds surrounding me
All
I have I wanna give to thee.
Giles
didn't know what to do, wondering whether she was thinking about Angel or
Riley, her broke-up with Riley hadn't surprised him and he was glad she had
reacted well to it, but, he was afraid, that perhaps, she was still suffering.
Giles
would have been utterly surprised whether he'd known, that neither Angel nor
Riley had entered Buffy's mind while she had been singing. He would have been
shocked, whether he had known that Buffy had been actually thinking of him,
while singing.
Buffy
didn't know how it had started...or when, but she'd fallen in love with him.
She smiled at herself, thinking that she couldn't be honest even to herself.
She knew exactly how and when she'd realized she'd fallen in love with him.
Oddly it had been his betrayal which had made her realize her feelings for him.
Realizing her feelings and act on them, though, was another matter altogether.
She
had raised a wall between, she'd tried her best to distance him from her and
she'd almost succeeded.
She
didn't want to risk losing him too, she had known that in her heart. Losing him
was out of the question...so she had thought that if that time, she walked
away, pain would have been less excruciating.
She
had been wrong. She had used and been used in the year, she'd tried to forget
him, to move on, and in the end, she'd just managed to hurt them both and to
love him more than she'd ever imagined could be possible
<
Way to go, Summers. >
She
opened her eyes and shook her head, surprised when she found Giles looking at
her. He was leaning against a wall, he still had the cups in his hands, he was
smiling and Buffy felt her heart was going to melt any minute...he was so
beautiful.
"W...what?"
she eventually managed to ask, cursing herself for her cracked voice.
"N...nothing"
he said. He approached her and handed her a cup. She took the cup and mouthed a
thank you.
Giles
sat next to her and sighed, Buffy watched him and asked, "Giles, are you
alright?"
"Oh,
yes...yes I am, thank you." He said smiling. He shrugged and said, "I
guess I am just a little tired."
"Oh..."
she murmured then she asked in a low voice, "Do you want me to
leave?"
"No!"
he exclaimed, the marveling added, "You don't have to, Buffy...but perhaps
you want to?"
"Oh,
no...not at all, I'm glad I'm here!" she said smiling
"Fine..."
he said smiling back at her. They sat, both sipping their tea, none of them
talked for a long while, they were just enjoying each other's company. The
silence wasn't awkward, but it wasn't pleasant either. They both wondered what
the other was thinking.
<
Talk to her, Rupert...just ask her something >
Giles
thought. He opened his mouth to tell something, but he closed it...he didn't
want to risk upsetting her.
<
C'mon Buffy...say something, for God's sake! When did you lose your tongue?
>
She
cleared her throat, Giles turned toward her and raised his eyebrows, silently
asking what was the matter. She shrugged, feeling suddenly very afraid.
She
knew she couldn't be in the same room with that man, without revealing her
feelings, or at least part of them, so she said, "Hm...I think...I think
I'd better go to the dorm...I want to ask Will where the hell she's been
tonight"
"Oh,
yes...you'd better go, then." He said in a low voice. Buffy could see the
hurt in his eyes. She silently swore
<
Great...you managed to hurt him, again! Now he probably thinks you don't like
being here! >
Giles
got up from the couch and took the two cups, he headed toward the kitchenette
without talking. Buffy rolled her eyes and got up, she followed him in the
kitchenette and said, "Giles?"
"Yes?"
he said, without looking at her.
"It's
not that I don't want to stay here...because I want to..." she paused
uncertain how to continue the sentence.
Giles
looked at her, surprised and said, "But?"
"But?"
she echoed.
"It's
not that you don't want to stay here, because you want to, but? I see a but
coming in your sentence"
"Oh
yes...'but'! But it's very late...and I've classes tomorrow and... "
"You
know Buffy? You don't have to excuse yourself...if you want to leave you just
have to say it. I understand, really."
<
Jeez, has he always been that dense? >
She
wondered. She shook her head, she got close to him and taking his hands in hers
said, "Look Giles, I see another misunderstanding coming between us and I
*so* don't want it. So for the record, I *want* to stay here, I *love* staying
here...but believe it or not, I'm dead on my feet. I've been up last night
because I had a test this morning and with the slaying and all...I'm really
scratching the end of my barrel of slayer's stamina ..."
Giles
smiled at her words, and said, "All right, no misunderstandings then, just
a very tired slayer..."
"Way
to go G-Man " she said smiling
"Don't
call me that" he quickly said, without even thinking. He chuckled at his
own words, and she soon joined him, without thinking she freed her hands from
his and she pulled him in a bear hug. Giles started at the beginning, he wasn't
used to having his slayer in his arms beyond training, but he soon relaxed and
he hugged her back. He caressed her hair and closed his eyes, smiling.
He
loved her. He didn't even try to deny those feelings anymore, not to himself,
at least. The feeling of her body pressed against his, her scent almost brought
tears to his eyes.
He
took a deep breath and stepped lightly back. He had to do it, he knew that if
he'd held her a moment longer, he wold have done something utterly stupid like
kissing her hair, thus revealing how he really felt about her, and how those
feelings were not quite fatherly as Quentin Travers had labeled them.
He
cleared his throat and asked, "Do you want me to ..?"
"Yes,
thanks...I'd really appreciate a drive to the dorm" she said interrupting
her
"How
do you know what I was going to ask you?" he asked surprised.
"Can
you keep a secret, Giles?" she asked in a teasing tone.
"Y...yes,
of course" he stuttered
"Good...so
can I..."
"Ah,
bloody, ah" he said
She
grinned and left the kitchenette saying, "Ain't you coming, Giles?"
"Yes..."
he said smiling.
They
were both outside Giles' house when she asked, "May I drive?"
"Don't
push your luck, young lady" he said in a menacing tone, yet his eyes were twinkling
with joy
"Pleeeeeeaseeeeeee?"
she asked pouting.
He
stopped and looked at her, she was still pouting.
He
shook his head, "No way, Buffy."
"Please
Giles? Pretty please?" she asked again.
Giles
closed his eyes. How could he refuse something to her? Why did he still try to?
He sighed and gave in, "All right!"
She
jumped and without thinking she kissed his cheek, taking the keys from his
hand.
When
life had gotten so complicated?
-2-
"May
I know, where the heck have all of you been tonight and why did you bring Spike
with you?" Buffy asked once entered the room she shared with Willow.
The
witch was in her bed, already under her blankets, she was reading. She raised
her head and without even flinching said, "Good evening, Buffy!"
"Good
evening, Will...and now would you tell me where have you been?"
Willow
smiled at her friend, they'd already decided what to tell her, so without
missing a beat said, "There was this new club outside Sunnydale, we've
thought to go there."
"With
Spike?" she asked incredulous.
"Yep..."
she said. She closed her book and looked at her, trying to hide her amusement
at the shocked look on her best friend's face.
"With
Spike?" she repeated.
"Yes
Buffy, with Spike. It's been Anya's idea."
Buffy
blinked and asked, "Why with Spike?"
"There
are other words in our language, you know?" she said.
She
was still smiling, she placed the book on her nightstand and said, "Mouth
looks better closed Buffy...as for Anya's idea" the young witch yawned
then sleepily said, "Beat me, I have no idea...Spike looked surprised
too..." she closed her eyes and asked, "And what about you? We tried
to reach you, but we didn't find you.."
"I..."
she paused, “I'm going to take a shower..."
Willow
just nodded. Once Buffy went into the bathroom, the girl muttered turning off
the light, "She's been at Giles'"
~
So Willow, what do you say, we've got a deal? ~
Willow
closed her eyes, when she heard Spike's voice in her head. She squeezed them
shut ignoring the pounding in her heart, remembering what had happened after
the others had left the hotel's room.
§
Xander
had assured her they were going to wait for them in the hallway, but when
they'd closed the door, Willow had been scared senseless.
She hadn't been scared of Spike, she knew he
couldn't harm her. She had been scared of what had switched between them that
night.
Spike
had looked at her for some seconds, Willow hadn't moved though, she'd held her
head high. She'd sensed that Spike didn't want to scare her, he'd just been
curious. Finally Spike had gotten close to her and had asked, "What are
you doing to me, Willow?"
She
had heard his other silent question
~
Are you casting a bloody spell on me, Willow? ~
"I'm
not casting a spell on you!" she had exclaimed.
"Then
why can you hear my thoughts?" Spike had softly asked.
"I...I
don't know, Spike." She had said lowering her head.
Spike
had gently touched her shoulder, forcing her to raise her head, Spike had
smiled at her, then had said, "I'm not complaining..."
"Aren't
you?" she had managed to ask. She had blinked then had asked, "Why
aren't you complaining?"
He
had shook his head, not answering to her question and had got closer to her.
His hand on her bare shoulder had been cold, yet it had seemed like fire on her
skin...his glare had been like fire, she had been sure in fact, her cheeks were
burning.
<
Naa...it's not fire...it's you blushing because he's looking at you with those
blue eyes...by the way Will, BREATHE! >
She
took a deep breath, Spike frowned and asked, "Why are you afraid of me,
Willow? You know I can't hurt you"
"W...why...you
keep calling me like that?" she had asked looking at him, yet for the
first time since they'd known each other, she hadn't been afraid of him.
"Like
what?" he had softly asked.
He
had been close, so close to her.
"Willow..."
she had breathed
Spike
had smiled and had said, "It's your name, isn't it?"
"You've
never..." she had started.
"Maybe,
I want to now ..." he had said, looking at her.
Their
glares had fixed for an instant, then Spike had taken possession of her mouth.
He
hadn't parted open her lips, he hadn't needed to force her. Willow had
immediately responded to his kiss.
If
someone had asked her, how a kiss between them could have been, besides the
obvious 'eeeeew' she'd have answered that fire would have met ice.
She
would have been wrong.
It
had been all fire. Fire which had flowed into her veins like volcano's lava.
Her skin had burned under his gentle touch.
He
hadn't touched her breasts or bottom, he'd just caressed her back and her
shoulders, the nape of her neck, then his hands had been on her hair, her neck.
She'd
touched him as well, caressing his hair, his shoulders, his back.
It
hadn't mattered that his heart hadn't been beating. Hers had begun beating for
the two of them.
For
a second she'd forgotten he was a vampire, the same vampire who had kidnapped
her, threatened her. She'd forgotten Tara, Buffy, Giles, Xander, Anya,
Sunnydale.
For
a second Spike's mouth, skin, taste had been all that had mattered to her. He'd
eventually gently pulled away from her and placing his cool lips against her
burning forehead had whispered, "Breathe Willow..."
She'd
closed her eyes and had rested her head against his shoulder, inhaling his
scent, taking deep breaths. She'd felt Spike's hand gently caressing her hair
while he'd pulled her closer to him with the other hand. She'd closed her eyes
and had whispered against the thin fabric of his shirt, "What's just
happened?"
Spike
had squeezed his eyes shut when he'd felt Willow's hot breath through the
fabric of his shirt. He didn't know what had happened.
He'd
always thought the red-headed witch was attractive, he'd always liked
her...he'd never even thought about kissing her though. Thinking about her lips
and the green fire in her eyes, feeling her warm body pressed against his, he'd
wondered why it had taken so long for him to kiss her.
Yet
he hadn't been able to really explain to her what had switched between them
that night, so he had placed a kiss on her forehead and had said, "We've
just kissed each other, luv "
She
had giggled against his chest then, tickling it with her breath, Spike had
smiled, soon joining Willow in a full laughter, when they'd both recovered
Willow had raised her head and had said, "I don't know what to
say..."
"I
should be the one saying that..." he had commented.
"Probably"
she had said smiling.
"I
should feel sorry" he had continued.
"Yes,
you should." She had softly said, still smiling.
"But
I'm not.." he had said.
"Ain't
you?" she had asked surprised, not understanding why that had made her
heart beat faster.
"Not
even a bit, luv. I enjoyed it." he had looked at her for a second, then
had asked, "And what about you?"
"M...me?
W...what about me? I...I have a girlfriend, I'm a lesbian in fact, sorta... and
I love her and she's waiting for me in the hallway with my best friend, her ex
demon girlfriend and you're a blonde vampire...with a twisted sense of humor
and..." She had stopped talking, noticing Spike's raised eyebrows and his
amused smile, her own smile had widened when she had quickly said,
"wouldyoukissmeagainplease?"
"I
thought you'd never ask" he said in a husky voice.
"Just
shut up and kiss me, Spike!" she had breathed, before kissing him as if
her life depended on it.
When
they had broken the kiss Willow had managed to say, panting, "We'd better
go, I wouldn't want you to get intimately acquainted with a stake..."
Spike
had chuckled but he hadn't let go of her. He had grazed her hair with his
fingers and had said, "You’re right, luv..."
"Yeah..."
she had breathed. Just then Xander had knocked on the door saying, "Will?
Are you finished there?"
They'd
looked at each other for an instant, smiling, then she had cleared her throat
and had said raising her voice, "Yeah, Xander, we're finished"
They'd
reluctantly pulled away from each other then she'd reached the door and had
opened it, when she'd heard him in her head, his voice had been so clear, that
for a second she had thought Xander had heard him too.
~
Don't bet on it. We're long from finished...when all this matter is solved,
we're going continue this, luv ~
She'd
stiffened for a second then she'd followed Xander outside.
She
hadn't heard him, nor he had spoken, only when she'd gotten out from Xander's
car he had spoken again, for all to hear, "So Red, what do you say, we've
got a deal?"
Willow
had ignored him.
§
~
So Willow? We've got a deal? ~
Spike's
voice repeated. Willow, sighed, tracing her lips with trembling fingers. She
yawned then mumbled, "I guess we have"
While
sleep enveloped her, she heard him loud enough to make her open her eyes
~YES!~
Willow
Rosenberg smiled in the darkness of her bedroom, closing her eyes she mumbled,
"Yes, indeed."
"You
said something, Will?" Buffy sleeply asked her friend.
Willow,
though, was already asleep, a light Cheshire cat smile on her lips.
-3-
The
following days were very busy for the Scooby Gang. Not only they were
researching information on a demon Buffy had seen the night after the meeting
at the hotel, but they were also looking for a couple of powerful spells to
cast on Buffy and Giles and the perfect place for what they were calling
"the luv trap"
They
talked about it whenever Buffy or Giles weren't with them. They couldn't risk
to make mistakes, not only because of Buffy's strength or Giles' anger, but
because they feared their friends would have gotten too scared to ever think
about voicing their feelings and mostly because they didn't want to ruin the
friendship between the two of them.
They
were all in Xander's basement. Willow had finally found the perfect spells, they
were now discussing the location.
"What
about the dorm?" Xander asked.
"Too
many bloody people" Spike muttered, trying his best not to look at Willow,
who looked absolutely stunning in his opinion that evening.
"He's
right Xand...and besides, how the hell can we make Giles enter the dorm?"
Willow said forcing herself not to look at Spike and not quite succeeding. He
was so beautiful that evening that it almost took her breath away.
"Alright...."
Xander said.
"Your
basement?" Anya asked
Xander
looked around and said, "Love, you're kidding, right?"
Anya
looked around and asked, "Why? I love this place!"
"No
pet, you love *him* , is different" Spike said looking at her.
Anya
scowled and said, "So? You're not in love with....?"
"Ok,
kids..." Spike said interrupting her, trying not to sound upset and not
quite succeeding.
He
wasn't in love with Willow...it wasn't possible, it was a laughable
thing...wasn't it?
<
Yeah, Spike...keep saying it, who knows? Maybe you'll convince yourself >
An
inner voice murmured, and he was pretty damn sure it wasn't Willow's. He shook
his head and added, "So far, we've scratched from our list the graveyard,
the mansion, Joyce's house, the dorm and Xander's basement...what's left?
"
"Giles'
house?" Tara, who had been silent 'til then asked
"Too
many magic books..." Willow said
"That
wouldn't be a problem we could move them while they're out patrolling"
Spike said matter-of-factly
"I
can't put a spell on the whole house!" Willow exclaimed
~
You can do everything Willow, keep that in mind ~
Spike's
silent support made her smile, yet she said, "There are too many bad
memories in that house"
"About
time to start with good ones, then..." Spike said.
"If
only we still had the library" Xander complained.
"Yeah
it would be so right for them to..." Willow stopped talking.
Spike
who was in front of her, noticed a sudden light sparkle in her eyes. He smiled without
even realizing it.
He'd
gotten to know and love that look. It meant she was excited over something.
<
Did I just thought that I love her
excited look? What the hell is happening to me? Am I becoming Poof Boy junior?
Next thing I'm going to start composing sonnets or worse brooding! Bloody
Hell!>
He
reached for the cigarettes in his pocket and he lit one, hating that his hands
were lightly shaking.
"Spike?"
Willow's voice was gentle but firm.
"What?"
he snapped.
Willow
pointed at the cigarette, Spike shook his head and said, "No way! I can't
feed, can't watch the telly, I'm
helping the slayer and the watcher and I'm..." he stopped before he
finished his sentence, Willow caught it, though.
She
gasped.
~
I'm kind of falling in love with you,
witch! I've every right to smoke a cigarette ~
"W...what?"
she asked aloud.
"You
heard it all, Red...just get over it, I'm smoking my cigarette!" Spike
said, happy of how cool and detached his voice had sounded.
"Uhm...w...whatever..."
she replied.
~
You're falling in love with me? ~
She
silently asked. Spike didn't answer, though. He just got up from his chair and
said Xander, "Look mate, you sleep here, I'm going outside to smoke. You face
death everyday with the slaying, let's don't tempt fate, ok?"
Xander
nodded surprised. Willow got up, but
Spike's voice stopped her.
~
Don't even try following me, Willow! Weren't you in love with Tara last time we
both checked?~
Willow
closed her eyes for a second, when she reopened them, Spike had left the
basement. She then turned toward her friends and said, "I've got an
idea...it will be a big, powerful spell...it's a bit tricky but I think that
with Anya and Tara's help, it could actually work. "
"What
do you want to do?" Xander asked.
"I
want to recreate the library..." she happily said.
"You
want what?" Tara asked
"I
want to recreate the library..." she slowly repeated.
"How?
Will, no offence...you're a terrific witch and all...but this isn't Star Trek,
ya know? There's no holodeck...you can recreate the library just like
that!"
~
Don't listen to him, Willow...remember, you can do everything ~
Spike's
voice, was soothing, it erased all her doubts.
~
Are you still there? ~
She
asked quite surprised
~
Yeah Luv, I'm not leaving anytime soon...unless your slayer friend dusts me,
when she finds out what's going on...~
Spike's
voice had held a teasing, happy tone, but she could sense he was actually
worried.
~
I'll protect you ...~
She
silently told him. She didn't hear him reply, but a few seconds later, he
returned Xander's basement. He had a cocky grin plastered on his face.
"So
let me see if I got it right, you want to re-build the library?" Xander
asked.
She
smiled and said, "I didn't mean I'm going to re-build the library...I'm
saying that it's what they're going to see...we just have to choose a
room"
"You're
sure you can do that, Will?" Xander asked at the same time
This
time, when she replied, she didn't care, whether anyone noticed she was looking
straight into Spike's eyes.
"Yes,
Xand. I'm sure..."
-4-
Buffy
was sure her friends were hiding something from her. She was more than sure,
actually. They were all in Giles' apartment.
Giles
was in his bedroom, changing for patrolling. Buffy was checking on her weapons
then putting them in her bag.
They
were all looking at her, when they weren't planning ...whatever they were
planning.
<
Gee Buffy! Paranoid much? >
She
shook her head and sighed. Her instinct told her that her friends and the
vampire were planning something, though she had no idea what. She was going to
talk to Giles about that, during patrol.
She
was sure he had sensed something too. She closed her bag and turned toward her
friends, she caught Spike
and
Willow exchanging a look.
<
Now...that's strange, since when she's not afraid of him? >
Buffy
shook her head, again. She was about to ask them something, when Giles came
back from his bedroom. He was wearing an old pair of jeans and a black sweater.
Her
heart began pounding in her chest, she smiled though while getting close to him
and teased, "You know? At times I almost miss the tweed..."
"Really?"
he asked, smiling. Buffy nodded. "May I know, why?" Giles asked, his
face was serious, but in his eyes she could read amusement.
"No,
Giles...I don't think so..." she all but purred.
<
What the hell am I doing? I'm flirting with my Watcher here, in front of my
friends? >
Giles
had blinked at Buffy's words. If the mere thought of it hadn't been so
ridiculous, he'd have thought she was flirting with him.
<Be
serious Rupert, she was just teasing you! It's your dirty mind which is playing
tricks on you!>
"Hm...I...I
think w...we should go, now." He finally said.
"I
think you're right...Duty calls." Buffy said in a low voice.
<
Great, you've managed to upset him! Now he's probably thinking you're the
biggest slut ever!>
"We're
going" she said to her friends.
Spike
raised his head from the book he'd been reading and said, "Yeah, ducks! We'd
figured this one out..." he then swiftly lowered his head returning to
read the book.
Buffy
noticed he was smiling and lightly shaking his head, if she'd turned she'd have
noticed a similar smile on Willow's face.
"Keep
researching" Giles admonished him from behind Buffy's shoulders.
"Yeah,
watcher, whatever you say..." Spike muttered without even raising his
head, he was still smiling.
"Ya
sure I can't kill him, Giles?" Buffy asked looking at him.
"We've
already talked about that, Buffy..." he said opening the door and
gesturing her out.
"Yeah,
right..." she mumbled getting out from the house, Giles quickly followed
and closed the door behind him.
Willow
closed her book. She got up from her seat and went to the window. Buffy and
Giles were still talking, actually they were both laughing at something Buffy
had said.
~
Maybe we won't need the spell, did you hear her, Willow? She was about to shag
him right here, against the wall.. ~
Spike
silently told her, amused.
~
Probably, but we can't take risks...~
~
And besides, there's still our deal, right, Willow? ~
~
Spike? Just shut up, please! ~
~
Yes, luv ...by the way did I tell you how lovely you look tonight? ~
Willow
blushed, glad she was turning her back at her friends, she closed her eyes and
silently stuttered
~
T...thanks. You...uh...l...look quite...uh... n...nice y...yourself!
Aw...great! Now I begin stuttering in my mind! ~
They
all looked at Spike when he suddenly chuckled. He covered his mouth with his
hand and looking at them snapped, "What! Am I still free to chuckle if I
want to, aren't I?"
"Sure
Fang Boy..." Xander muttered, then shook his head, Spike never ceased to
amaze him.
Anya
had a strange expression on her face, she looked at both Spike and at Willow
before returning to flipping the pages of the book she’d been reading, lightly
shaking her head.
Tara
shrugged uncomfortably, suddenly feeling like a third wheel. She was going to
talk to Willow, after they’d cast the spell.
Willow
sighed when Giles’ car finally left the street. Her heart began beating faster
in her chest when she heard Spike’s voice in her mind.
~
You know Willow? I like you when you stutter ~
Willow
who had kept staring at window, turned toward them and said smiling, "Ok,
they've gone...it's time to begin!"
They
all looked at her, though no one but Tara, noticed that Willow’s smile, matched
Spike's
-5-
It
was a beautiful, warm night, there were many stars, and the moon bathed
everything in a silver light. The two people in the graveyard, though, had no
time to appreciate the night's beauty, busy as they had been in fighting six
vampires.
"When
did they learn kick boxing?" Buffy said, after dusting one of them.
Giles,
was by her side, punching one of the attacking vampires on the jaw.
He
sighed and said, "I don't know, Buffy...and actually I don't want to find
out how extensive their knowledge is"
He
raised a hand and Buffy quickly handed him a stake, which Giles used to dust
the vampire.
They
slightly parted and Buffy asked, "How many of them?"
"Two"
he said panting.
"Ok,
I take the blonde one..." she said pointing at a blonde vampire who was
approaching them
"I
take the other.." Giles said matter-of -factly
He
heard a crash, a growl, then Buffy approached him and said, "Duh, Giles! I
bet you were a genius in math!"
He
staked the vampire without much effort, then handing the stake to Buffy said,
"Actually yes, though I hated it, with a passion"
"My,
my...I can't believe it!" she said smiling at him. She wanted to talk to
Giles about their friends behavior, she opened her mouth to speak, but the
familiar tingle in her stomach announced her the presence of a vampire nearby.
She
tensed for a second, she rolled her eyes then turning around, she said aloud,
"C'mon oh big, ugly and scary bloodsucker, rise and shi…er growl, you
don't really want me to come looking for ya? Do you?"
Giles
shook his head. It never ceased to amaze him, how his slayer managed to
actually find amusement in her slaying. He actually thought some of the things
she said to those vampires before dusting them were really funny.
"Aw...c'mon...are
you afraid of me?" she mocked, taking some steps forward. "I'm just a
little slayer..." She added faking a frightened voice.
The
vampire came out from behind a grave, he was growling. Buffy turned toward Giles
and lightly shrugged her shoulders, before focusing her attention on the
vampire.
"You
know?" she said getting closer to him, "You guys *so* need to work on
your communication's" she punched the vampire square in the face
"skills!"
The
vampire stepped back. Buffy began punching him, until the vampire fell on the
ground and she staked him. Giles approached her and said, amusement evident in
his voice, "You know, Buffy? I almost felt sorry for him...he didn't even
know what hit him"
Buffy
looked at him and smiled, she took a bow, then raising her head said, "A
slayer...no waiting!"
Giles
shook his head, chuckling and said, "Come on...I daresay, you've done your
job for tonight..."
"Thank
you..." she dryly commented, they were near the car when she said,
"Uhm...Giles? There's something I need to talk you about on the way
home"
Giles
couldn't help smiling at her words. Did she really see his home as hers as
well? His smile quickly faded, though.
He
couldn't indulge in the luxury of thinking of her like that. He couldn't let
his feelings escape from the corner of his soul, where they lived...it was
dangerous, too dangerous. Yet he was so tired of ignoring them
He
loved her. He loved Buffy Summers, with his life. God knew whether he had tried
to fight against those feelings. In the beginning, he’d felt so ashamed of
them. When he’d met her, she was barely sixteen, while he was in his forties.
He’d felt like an old dirty man. He’d felt ashamed because he was her Watcher.
He was supposed to watch *over* her, but he soon found himself staring *at*
her.
He
sighed while getting in the car. There were days where he couldn’t be next to
her without feeling a dull ache in his soul, right where he hid his feelings
for her. There were nights when he couldn’t help turning and tossing in his
bed, worried about her….about her safety.
There
were moments, just like that, where he needed her so much that it was almost
unbearable for him to ignore the love he felt for her, nights where his heart
beat too fast, nights when each fiber of his being longed to touch her, to hold
her tight to him. Yet, he kept being silent. He kept being Giles, watcher,
mentor, friend.
He
shook his head when he sat in the car, and pinched the bridge of his nose,
letting out a shaky breath, "Are you alright?" she asked
Giles
turned toward the girl...
<Woman...she
is a woman Rupert, though, it would have been easier for you, if she was still
a girl...you'd still have an alibi, wouldn't you? >
He
shook his head and said, "I'm a little sore, that's all" he smiled at
her, and she smiled back at him, whispering, "Fine..."
"And
you? Are you all right?" he asked looking her, concerned.
"I'm
fine..." she reassured him. She reached his hand and squeezed it for a
second before letting go of it. Giles swallowed and started the car.
They
were both quiet for a while, then he suddenly asked, "What did you want to
talk to me about?"
Buffy,
who was looking at the window, turned toward him "Uh?"
"You
said you...."
"Oh,
yes!" she exclaimed. She took a deep breath then asked, "Ok, maybe
I'm paranoid...but...didn't you notice something strange?"
He
surprised her saying, "Here on the Hellmouth? Naa..!"
She
chuckled at his words and said, "Ok, let's be more specific...did you
notice something strange in the gang?"
It
was Giles' turn to chuckle, Buffy shook her head, "Besides the usual
weirdness..."
Giles
frowned and said, "Actually, yes. Why?"
"What
did you notice?" Buffy asked.
"They
look like they're hiding something from us.." he said.
"Did
you notice that, too?" Buffy asked. She didn't know whether to be relieved
she hadn't been paranoid, or furious at them, for hiding something from her.
"Yes,
I did." He said. He’d noticed how their friends’ conversations abruptly
ended whenever Buffy or him, entered a room. He’d had suspicions, but had
dismissed them, as Buffy he didn’t know whether to be relieved or angry at
them.
"Willow
and Spike keep glancing at each other" Buffy said.
"Yes,
I noticed that..." he said nodding.
"They're
meeting without telling us..." she whispered.
"What
for?" Giles asked surprised.
"I
have no idea, Giles. Whenever I ask Willow something, she just says they've
been out...and that they couldn't reach me."
"I'm
sure there is a valid explanation, Buffy" he reassured her.
"Yeah,
right..." she said. She couldn't hide, fear and hurt in her voice.
Giles,
though, once again surprised her, saying, "Don't even think that, Buffy!
They're not cutting you out!"
Giles
stopped the car, they were in front of his house. The man turned toward her and
said, "They are not cutting you out, Buffy. I am absolutely sure there is
a valid explanation to their behavior"
"How
did you know what I was thinking?" she asked surprised.
Giles
smiled and leaning toward her whispered against her ear, "Can you keep a
secret?"
Buffy
smiled, delighted for the close contact and the feeling of his hot breath
against her ear. She swallowed and said, "Yes, of course..."
Though
she didn't see it, she heard Giles' smile in his voice when he said,
"Well, so can I..."
His
lips caressed the soft skin of her earlobe for an instant with his lips. It
took all her Slayer's strength not to jump for the surprise.
<
He...ohmygod...ohmygod...breathe, Buffy...breathe! It's been an accident...you
were so close...and...ohmygod...he KISSED my EARLOBE!!!! >
Giles,
who was oblivious, of Buffy's thoughts, was looking at her, with a look akin
horror in his face.
<
That's bloody priceless, Rupert! Well done! She now thinks you are a pervert!
And you know what? She is right! >
He
didn't know what to say and he doubted he could even utter a word in that
moment, without embarrassing himself. Eventually he asked, "Do you want me
to drive you to the dorm?"
Buffy
all but jumped when she said, "What?"
"Do
you want me to..." he started
"Oh...yes,
thank you...but, I've to grab some things inside" she said pointing at
Giles' house.
"Good,
and I'd really mind a cup of tea" he said.
"Well,
I guess we gotta go, then..." she whispered.
"Yes,
I guess we should." He replied.
They
didn't talk for a while, then Buffy stepped out from the car leaving Giles
alone. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Great..."
He
quickly followed her outside, none of them noticed Xander, hidden behind a car.
The young man made sure they had reached the porch before he whispered in a
walkie talkie, "They’re here…it’s time, Will!"
-6-
"They’re
here, it’s time, Will" Xander’s voice came from the walkie-talkie. Willow
took a deep breath before looking at Anya, Tara and Spike.
They
were hiding in the mansion, after endless debating they’d decided to perform
the spells there.
She
swallowed and looked at Anya who began chanting, casting the spell to lock all
the doors of Giles’ house once they entered.
She
looked at Tara. The woman nodded and began chanting the truth’s spell.
Willow’s
spell was the most difficult. She slowly began chanting, closing her eyes,
focusing her mind on the library.
She
could almost see it through Buffy and Giles’ eyes.
She
blocked Spike’s out of her mind, and she was glad when he didn’t try to enter
it. She felt his presence, though, and she was comforted by it.
<Oh,
God, don’t let me screw this up, please>
She
thought while chanting. The three women got closer and held hands while
chanting.
Spike
looked amazed at the three women chanting the spells. He could feel the magic,
almost smell it. He grinned, when electricity filled the air…the Watcher and
the Slayer were in for a hell of a ride.
He
was looking forward to seeing what was going to happen.
-7-
"Oh,
my God!" Buffy exclaimed, when Giles switched on the lights. They were in
the library...or rather, an exact replica of the library.
She
turned toward him and looked at him asking, "What the hell is going
on?"
Giles
was looking around, he tried to open the door but it was locked. He shook his
head and took some steps forward looking around amazed, then turning toward
Buffy he said, "I can't believe it."
"I
second that..." she whispered getting close to him, Giles noticed she had
tears in her eyes.
"Are
you all right, Buffy?" he asked concerned.
"Yes,
I am. It's just..." she took a deep breath, then said in a cracked voice,
"I really miss this place..."
"Me
too..." he admitted.
Buffy
turned toward him and smiled, she then took some steps forward and began
looking around, tears were now rolling on her cheeks, Giles got close to her
and asked, "Why are you crying?"
"Life
was so easy...I could...pretend...it was enough for me to see you here...the
library was my safety net" she blinked, realizing what she'd just told
him.
Giles
looked at her surprised and asked, "A safety net from what if I may
ask?"
"For
what I felt for you" she blinked again and looking at him asked, "Did
I just say *that* out loud?"
Giles
just nodded, not trusting his voice...or his mind for the matter. It was quite
obvious they were under the effect of various spells…and it was quite clear to
him who had cast them. He just wondered the reason for casting them.
"Way
to go, Buffy!" she said out loud, then closed her eyes and shook her head.
"I
think we're under the effect of some spells?" he stated, though it came
out as a question.
"Duh,
Giles! And I was thinking the library had come to pay a visit to us!" She
opened her eyes and looked at him.
Giles
chuckled and managed to say, "You know Buffy? I really love your sense of
humor"
He
stopped chuckling and looked at her. Buffy got close to him and asked, "Do
you?"
"Yes…how
could I not?" he stopped and shook his head then whispered, "Please,
Buffy...don't ask me any questions...you might not like the answers..."
"Try
me..." she said, grazing his forearm.
Giles
jerked away and almost shouted, "Don't touch me!"
Buffy
dropped her hand and snapped, "Fine!"
Giles
sighed, that didn't go unnoticed to Buffy, who looked at him and said,
"Why don't you just tell me the truth? You can do it, now. You can spit out
how much you hate me, for what I did to you!"
"What
the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked. He was confused, how could
she really think he hated her?
"Are
you deaf now, Giles?" She asked getting closer to him. She took him by his
shoulders and hissed against his face, "You can tell it, now! You can
finally tell me how much you hate me for Jenny's death, for what you went
through with Angelus because of me..."
"What?"
he managed to say.
Buffy's
grip on his shoulders was beginning to be painful, Buffy wasn't paying
attention, though. She was looking at him, "C'mon Giles, just spill
it...you hate me, don't you?"
"Buffy,
I could ever hate you...and now would you please let go of my shoulders? You
are hurting me!"
"It's
not what I do best? You probably think I get a kick out of it, by now, don't
you?" She said. She was bitterly smiling. She let go of Giles' shoulders
and stepped back shaking her head. Giles got close to her and said,
"Buffy..."
"Don't!"
she shouted, "You can't lie now, so don't even try to...you're right! I
might not like what you'd say!"
She
turned her back to him and headed toward his office,
Giles'
voice made her stop on her tracks when he said,
"Running
as usual, Buffy?"
She
turned around and looked at him. Giles was approaching her, a strange look in
his green eyes, "I thought, you had figured out that running doesn't solve
problems..."
"I
need to be alone..." she mumbled.
"Oh,
yes...you often do..." he started.
"Giles..."
she tried to interrupt him, but he went on saying,
"Too
bad that in the process of mending your own wounds you hurt all the people who
love you..."
Though
she wanted to, she didn't lower her head, she kept looking at him.
Giles
sat on the big table and shrugged, "I don't blame you for that, though.
Believe it or not, even your old, stuffy, *gross* former Watcher, has been
young..."
"You're
not old..." she said in a low voice.
"Oh,
yes, I am..." he mumbled
"No
you're not...and you aren't *gross *, you could ever be..." she said in a
small voice.
"Then
why...?" he began.
"Gee
Giles, luckily you haven't ever been that dense as a watcher!" she said
shaking her head.
Buffy
almost laughed at the puzzled look he flashed her. She took a deep breath and
got close to him, sitting beside him on the table, she looked at him and asked,
"Do
you want to know why I've been a ‘bitca’ with you last year?"
"Yes,
I'd really like to know..." he said, crossing his arms over his chest then
added, "And you weren't a..."
"Yes
I was" she said interrupting him.
Giles
shook his head. He sighed then said, "No Buffy, you weren’t. You were
pretty self-centered, you looked like you didn't care whether I was hurting or
not ...but you weren't a 'bitca' "
"Feel
free to contradict me anytime" she replied dryly.
Giles
smiled and asked, "So?"
"I
was scared, Giles. I was scared senseless. I didn't have the library, the high school,
the council, Angel...there was nothing where I could hid behind."
"Hiding
from what? And why did you feel the need to hide, anyway?"
"Hiding
from you" she said in a low voice.
"Uh?"
was all that Giles managed to say. She looked at him and shook her head saying,
"You're surprised?"
"Bloody
shocked would be more accurate." He said, then shook his head at his
words.
She
chuckled then said, "Imagine how bloody shocked *I* was, when I realized I
was in love with you" she then covered her mouth with her hand and
silently cursed.
Giles
blinked.
<
She is in love with you! >
He
lightly shook his head and looked at her
<
She can't be serious >
He
blinked again
<
Not to point out the obvious...but you are both under the effect of a truth
spell. It took all your strength not to tell her the same thing >
"I..."
he began.
"Doesn't
it matter, Giles. I know you don't love me. I mean, I know you love me as a
friend, because I didn't buy for a second Travers' crap about you loving me as
a daughter. I know you care about me, though I'd be damned if I know why! I
mean, how could you after last year?"
"Uhm...Buffy?"
he asked, he couldn't hide a smile.
She
wasn't listening to him, though. She was still talking, "It's okay, I
understand you, really. I admit it, sometimes I don't love myself that
much..."
"Buffy?"
he tried again, in a gentle tone, but, Buffy was continuing her tirade,
"Just don't say it out loud, please. Unfortunately, my slayer's stamina
doesn't extend on my feelings and..."
A
loud whistle, interrupted her. She turned toward him, her eyes were bright with
unshed tears, she swallowed and asked in a cracked voice, "What?"
"I
love you too..." he said
"You
'what' me?" she asked, her voice still cracked, she couldn’t help some
tears falling down her cheeks.
"I.
Love. You." He repeated, stressing each word, with soft kisses on her
face, drying them
"How
can you?" She asked arching her head.
Giles
took it between his hands and looking at her asked,
"How
could I not?"
"I'm
selfish" she said, caressing his face
"Sometimes..."
he said smiling.
"Gee,
Giles...thank you!" she replied, but she was smiling too.
"It's
not a bad selfishness...you just know when to draw a line. Your calling took
away so much from you, but you don't let yourself getting eaten up by it."
She
swallowed, unable to stop the new tears which were swelling in her eyes. Giles
pulled her closer in a tight embrace and whispered against her hair, "You
made mistakes, but what about mine? You asked me how could I love you...and
what about you? How can you love me after..."
Buffy
stopped him, raising her head and placing a kiss on his lips. It was a tender,
loving kiss, when she parted from him whispered, "I don't care. It doesn't
matter!"
Giles
shook his head and said, "It does, Buffy. It does matter..."
Buffy
shook her head and whispered, "You really want to win this one, don't ya?
Alright, we've hurt each other, but this little trip to Guiltapalooza ends here
and it ends *now* !"
She
kissed again on his lips, then said, "We've hurt each other, yet now we're
here, whatever *here* is, into each other's arms...don’t you see a pattern
hidden here, somewhere?"
Giles
had to smile at her words, Buffy smiled back and said, "I love you Rupert
Giles. It took me forever to admit it, even to myself. I've been territorial
and jealous, I've been a slut"
She
covered his mouth with her hand when he tried to object and said, "Yes,
Giles...I've been a real pain in the ass. I've mastered in the art of denial. I
ached to be with you, yet I sent you away."
Giles
lightly grabbed her hand, he pulled it away from his mouth then asked,
"Why?"
"I
had to Giles. Don't you understand? I couldn't allow myself to love you. You're
the most important person in my life...you know everything about me...everything.
I can be myself with you...I feel *whole* with you, I feel safe with you"
she stopped talking and shrugged, shaking her head.
Giles
caressed her cheeks and gently said, "But?"
Buffy
sighed then whispered, " *But* I always lose the people I love. I don't
know why, maybe it's a special 'Slayer jinx ' or maybe it's just my life which
sucks big time, what I know...is that I couldn't and can't lose you...so I
thought that if this time *I* didn't screw things up, showing my love, you wouldn't
have left, you would have been safe..." she paused then added, uncertainty
in her voice, "am I making any sense here?"
"Uhm...yes...I
think." He said, not trusting his voice.
"Good..."
she said, then sighed. She swallowed then said in a cracked voice, "Of
course being Buffy, the queen of screws up...I nearly lost you anyway...and I'm
so sorry Giles..."
"I
thought you said that we had to stop with the guilt trips?" he said
raising his eyebrows at her.
Buffy
laughed at his words, she leaned against his shoulders and closed her eyes.
She
felt Giles' hands slowly stroking her hair, his steady heartbeat, his spicy
smell and suddenly it was too much for her to bear, tears began spilling on her
cheeks.
She
buried her face in Giles' chest sobbing, letting go of four years of denial,
hurt, guilt, and love.
She
felt Giles' strong arms pulling her closer to him, she wrapped her arms around
his waist and hung onto him for dear life.
"I
love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..." she kept
whispering in his chest, between sobs
Giles
closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair.
He was crying too, though, he didn't realize
it. He had loved her for so long, without even hoping she could love him back,
that her words kept bringing tears in his eyes. Throughout the years he’d been
by her side.
He’d
seen her falling in love with other men. He’d comforted her when she was
hurting. He’d held her when she cried.
Never
had he thought about himself in those moments. Her happiness had always been
the most important thing for him. Her happiness had been his, as well, and now
Buffy was telling him she loved him, he couldn't believe how lucky he was.
He
took a deep breath and cleared his throat, he then took her face in his hands
and gently forced her to raise it.
He
looked at her for a long time before saying, "I love you so much,
Buffy...so much that it sometimes hurts, do you know what I mean?"
She
just nodded and sniffed, smiling when he wiped tears away from her face with
shaking fingers.
She
took his hand in hers and placed it on her chest, above her heart saying,
"It hurts here, sometimes...when I look at you...and what I want to do is
just hold and be held by you...when all that I want...all that I crave.."
"Crave?"
he asked surprised
"Yeah,
yay me, Watcher..." she said smiling.
"Yay"
he whispered.
Buffy
shook her head and threw her arms around Giles' neck, laughing. She was still
laughing when she raised her head and looking at him said, "I *so* love
you, ya know?"
"Yes,
I think I know, now." He said, thinking he could lose himself in her eyes.
"Yup,
it looks like..." she said. She looked at him and said, "You know,
Giles? We've admitted our feelings to each other, we've had our little
angstfeast, we've cried, laughed...but..."
"We
haven't kissed each other..." he finished for her.
"Yet..."
she added.
"Yet"
he echoed
"So,
will you kiss me ?" she asked
"Right
here? On this table?" he asked
"Why
not?" she said shrugging.
"I'm
about to fulfill, one of my wildest fantasies..." He breathed against her
mouth, before he kissed her. The kiss was gentle at first, but it soon grew with
intensity.
Giles
felt Buffy's hands under his sweatshirt, caressing his bare shoulders and back,
her nails gently scratching his skin.
He
was almost afraid to touch her, still afraid all of it was just another
wonderful dream, afraid she would just burst like a bubble if he touched her
and besides he was too mesmerized by the taste of her lips, by the feeling of
their tongues meeting, teasing each other's.
He
touched her, eventually, he gently caressed her lightly arched back, her waist,
he hesitantly placed a hand on her left breast.
He
could feel her heart beating fast, so fast under his palm, he lightly stroked
her nipple through the fabric of her sweater, Buffy arched against him and
lowered her hand to touch his bottom.
Giles
squeezed his eyes shut, deepening the kiss for an instant before he reluctantly
pulled away from her, only then he realized that somehow they'd end up lying on
the table, with him on top of Buffy. He looked at her, they were both panting.
"I
want you..." he heard himself saying.
<
Great Rupert, how sensitive of you! >
"I'd
say I noticed that..." she said, cupping his erection with a hand and
flashing him a grin.
"But...not
like that..." he managed to say, after the shock of feeling her hand on
his penis.
"Why?"
she asked, she was all but pouting. Giles helped her sitting on the table, took
a deep breath and said,
"Because
it is wrong...because this wouldn't be making love...it would be just a
..."
"Quick
shag on the big reading table of my high school library?" she said in a
teasing tone.
"Exactly.
I told you this was one of my wildest fantasies...and that what it was, a
fantasy...but this is reality."
"I
should hope so..." She said, she was still grinning at him.
"I
want our fist time to be perfect." He softly said.
"It
still would be perfect..." she objected.
"Probably,"
he admitted "but I'm a romantic at heart...and I want a bed, candlelight,
flowers..."
"You’re
mushy, you know that?" She said, then she covered her mouth with a hand
and mumbled, "sorry..."
"You
don't need to apologise, my dear. I already knew that" he said before
kissing her again.
When
they broke the kiss, Buffy asked, "You’re sure, you don't want
to...?"
"Yes
Buffy, I am...and I think I've gone completely crazy." He said half
smiling.
"Welcome
to the club" she wryly replied.
"And
I think I shall take a very cold shower, once the spell cast by Willow wears
out..."
"At
least the mystery has been finally solved...they were setting us up" she
commented.
They
were both sitting on the table now, her arm around his waist, his around her
shoulders, she was resting her head against his fore arm.
"I'd
really like to know how she managed to talk Spike into this" he wondered
aloud
She
chuckled against his arm and murmured, "I don't know and I'm looking
forward to hearing all the gory details of their plan, but first, there's
something I really *need* to know"
Giles
lowered his head and met her eyes, she smiled at him and asked,
"Just...when did you learn to whistle?"
Giles'
answer was a deep, mind blowing kiss. When he pulled away Buffy decided she
didn't *need* to know, after all.
-8-
"You
think it worked?" Xander asked Willow.
The
red-head, shrugged while putting away the herbs and the candles, she'd used for
the spells. Anya and Spike were helping her.
She
looked very tired, yet she smiled when she said, "I don't know,
Xand...however I'm going to hide somewhere and sleep for three days, at
least..."
They
were all very tired, except for Spike, of course. After Buffy and Giles had
left, they had all worked to collect Giles' books and had placed them in Giles'
bedroom.
"I
think it worked, though." Spike said without looking at anyone.
~
Thanks ~
Willow
silently said. He smiled, not noticing how Tara was looking at them.
~
You’re welcome, luv ~
Spike
realized that they were getting used to talking like that. They'd not understood
yet, why they were able to communicate that way.
Willow
had made some research, but it had been useless, so they'd just accepted that
link, welcomed it, actually.
Spike
found it very amusing. He liked it when she blushed after he told her something
about their deal. He turned toward Willow, the young witch had sat on the
floor, she was leaning her head against a wall, her eyes were closed. She was
breathing heavily.
"Hey,
is Red alright?" he asked turning toward Tara.
"She
is fine" Tara coldly replied, "she's just tired. It was a hell of a
spell, in case you didn't notice"
"Yeah,
whatever you say..." Spike muttered kneeling on the floor to pick some
candles.
~
Willow, are you sure you're fine? ~
He
silently asked, trying his best to hide how concerned he was.
~
I'm just very tired, Spike...~
She
reassured him. Spike's lips curved in a light smile, yet, he felt the
irrational urge to breath in relief...he'd have laughed at that...he was a
vampire....he didn't breathe!
He
worked for a while with the others to collect the things they’d used for the
spells. He could sense Willow was very weak and tired. He silently debated with
himself whether he’d to turn and check on Willow.
<
Why the hell do I care? What if she isn’t feeling well? Big deal! Quit being
such a ninny>
He
shook his head, he could hear the frantic beating of Willow’s heart. He slowly
got up and closed one of the boxes they’d brought to the mansion.
He
wanted to look at her, he wanted to make sure she was fine. The demon within
himself started to protest at that thought, he briefly morphed in his game
face, but he fought it back slipping back in his human face.
<Oh,
bugger it I’m going soft, ok? Get over it!>
Spike
finally turned to check on Willow only to notice Tara, who was looking at her
with an unreadable expression on her face.
Tara
then turned toward him and shrugged, as if she had been expecting him to look
at her girl friend. He held her gaze for a second before looking at Willow.
The
young witch looked more relaxed now, she’d regained color, even her heart beat
was steadier.
He
turned and knelt, collecting from the floor the last candles, feeling much more
relaxed.
~
Spike? ~
Willow
suddenly said.
~
What? ~
He
silently snapped at her. He didn’t want her to understand how concerned he’d
been for her and how relieved he was she was feeling better.
Willow
surprised him, though, silently telling him.
~
I know both Tara and you are checking on me and on each other, and I know that
the saying if looks could kill has never been that true as tonight. The tension
could be cut with a knife ~
~
Willow? Point anytime soon? ~ he silently asked interrupting her.
~
Point, yes…there’s a point! Uhm... would you please take the others outside
with you? I need to talk to Tara for a while ~
~
Do I look like a bloody...?~
He
began,
~
Please, Spike...~
Willow's
gentle voice in his mind said
~
Alright...~
He
silently mumbled. Spike got up and placed the candles in a box. He looked at
Xander and said, "Hey mate, quit smooching with your girlfriend and help
me putting these things in your car..."
"What
about your supernatural strength?" Xander asked, arching his head, while
Anya kissed his neck.
"Yeah...well,
just shut up and come with me, will you?" Spike said holding the boxes in
his arms.
"Fine,
fang boy..." Xander muttered getting up from his chair. He took a book and
followed Spike outside.
Anya looked at the two women and shook her
head, then she followed Spike and Xander outside.
Once
they were alone Willow sighed and opened her eyes. Tara was looking at her,
Willow shook her head and closed again her eyes then said, "C'mon
Tara...spill."
"No,
Will, you spill!" the woman said sitting next to her on the floor,
"What the hell is going on between you and Spike?"
"I
don't know" she said opening her eyes and looking at her, "I don't
know" she repeated.
"Well,
count me in it too...I don't know what to think...it almost looks like you can
read each other's minds"
Willow
sighed. They'd decided not to tell anyone about the mental link they shared. No
one would undrstand, or worse they would have insisted to erase it, and neither
of them wanted it, so she looked at her girlfriend and said, "What do you
want me to tell you, Tara?"
"Oh,
I don't know, Willow! I'd like you to tell me you're not falling in love with a
vampire, that would be a nice start!" She stood up and started pacing the
room, "I'd like you to tell me, I'm just paranoid...and that I *so* need
to work on my self esteem... " she paused and marveling she added,
"I'd just like to know the truth, Will..."
Willow
sighed then opening her eyes said, "What if I didn't know the truth? What
if I couldn't tell you whether I'm falling in love with a vampire? I wish I
knew Tara..."
"What
did he tell you that night at the hotel? What happened between the two of you?
And which kind of deal do you have?" she softly asked.
Willow
didn't answer her, though. They were both quiet for a while, then Tara said,
"Dammit Willow, answer me!"
Willow
opened her eyes and got up. She took a step forward and said, "Don't you
ever dare talk to me like that again! Have I made myself clear?"
"Or
what? You call your vampire so he can bite me?
Ops...I'd
forgotten he can't bite anymore!" she hissed.
Willow
closed her eyes and sighed, when she reopened them said, "Fine Tara, you
want the truth?"
Tara
interrupted her and said in a cracked voice, "No...I don't think I need to
hear it anymore...I know what I needed to know"
She
pulled her in a hug, then she placed a kiss on her forehead and whispered
against it, "Don't let him hurt you, please..."
She
then broke their embrace and headed toward the door, Willow's voice stopped her
when she said in a cracked voice, "I love you Tara, you know?"
Tara,
choking back tears turned toward her and said, "Yeah...but you love him
more..."
Willow
just closed her eyes. She started when she heard the door close and let a few
tears roll down on her cheeks.
On
the way out Tara saw Spike. He was leaning against a wall, she stopped in front
of him. She'd expected him to smile, instead he looked very serious.
She
looked at him and hissed, "Don't ever hurt her, you bloodsucker bastard
..."
Spike
looked at her for a long time then he said, "I won't, Tara...believe
me."
The
woman looked at him for a second and nodded.
She
saw love in his blue eyes. Love for Willow.
She
believed him.
She
got out from the mansion, Xander drove her to the dorm.
No
one heard from her ever again.
-9-
Willow
Rosenberg sighed resting her head against the wheel of her car. "What the hell am I doing here?"
she wondered in a low voice.
She
was tired, she was very tired. The spells and the ‘luv trap’ had succeeded. Buffy
and Giles had got together, that hadn’t prevented them from calling all of them
once the spell had worn off, though, to
give them a piece of their minds…after having thanked them!
All
she had wanted had been to crawl somewhere and rest, of course that had been
impossible.
First
Buffy and Giles’ had grilled all of them about the set up, then they had all
grilled her about her break up with Tara.
All
of them including a certain bleached-blonde vampire who was waiting for her in
a hotel room, in that moment.
A
certain bleached-blonde vampire who had mercilessly silently teased her about
their deal while the others had been grilling her.
She’d
been tempted to stake him, just to shut him up…she’d been tempted to stake all
of them, actually.
<Yeah,
so much for being a good girl, uh?>
She
closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
~
Are you afraid? ~ came suddenly Spike’s silent question.
~
Leave me the hell alone for a while, will you? ~ she silently snapped at him.
~A
bit touchy, aren’t we? ~ Spike dryly replied.
Willow
shook her head. She liked Spike, a lot. She’d always been terrified by him, but
at the same time she’d always liked him. Every red blooded female would have
liked him….
"Who
am I kidding? Every red *blooded* female? Helloo? Harmony anyone?" she
said aloud, thinking that not only living and breathing females shared her
opinion about Spike.
She
sighed. She *so* liked Spike…what she didn’t understand was why he liked her.
Was it due to what was happening to them…whatever it was?
Before
that fateful night when they’d begun reading each other’s mind…he’d never given
any sign of liking her…unless she counted kidnapping her, threatening her and
almost killing her as signs of his affection.
They
had made a deal…sort of. They hadn’t really talked about it.
Willow
smiled thinking that although Spike had teased her about it, they hadn’t really
talked. Whenever they’d been alone for the last days they’d been too busy kissing
and groping each other to even think about their deal, let alone talking about
it, whether aloud or through their link.
She
let out a muffled scream in her hands. What was going to happen once she
entered that room? The only thing she knew for sure was that they were going to
make love.
She
shook her head and said aloud, "Dream on, Red…you’re just going to
shag…making love is not going to enter this picture anytime soon."
Not
that Spike had been rough with her, on the contrary he’d surprised her with his
gentleness. He was passionate, *way* passionate, as she’d discovered, but not
rough…at least he’d been that way while smooching …who knew however, how was he
during sex?
All
Willow knew was that she’d never been that aroused, scared and confused as she
was in that moment. She tried to ignore her feelings for Spike…he’d told her he
was ‘sorta’ falling in love with her, but how could she believe him?
Not
that she didn’t believe he was able to love…Buffy had told her about his speech
which had ended with Spike calling himself ‘love’s bitch’, a speech she’d
silently wholly agreed with.
He’d wanted her to cast a love spell to have
Drusilla back. He’d loved Drusilla, for almost as long as he’d been a vampire.
She’d
doubts, however, about him falling in love with *her *.
As
for her feelings, she had acknowledged she was falling in love with him…and
that scared her more than the fact he was a vampire.
She
sighed, again, trying to relax.
<
I want to get into that room…I’ll get into that room…I’m an adult and I’m about
to have sex with a vampire…and I’m lucky because he doesn’t have a soul, so
it’s not like hell will break loose if I give him a happy…am I going to give
him a happy? Will he laugh at me? Oh, God…>
~
Uhm…Willow? Are you going to sit in that car forever? I can wait…you know…I’m…~
~I
know you’re dead…undead…whatever…oh, please, leave me alone! ~ she silently
told him.
~
Have you changed your mind, about our deal? ~ he silently asked.
Willow
felt Spike didn’t seem happy at the idea. She hadn’t still worked out all the
details about the mental link they shared.
She
knew they could telepathically talk to each other all the time, even when they
were apart, that they could even hear each other’s thoughts, but only after
they shared a certain degree of intimacy. They could feel each other’s
moods…although not strongly.
She
frowned, was he really eager to have sex with her how she sensed?
~
Willow? ~ Spike silently called.
~
I’ll be right here…~ she silently said.
She
clutched the cross she’d hid in the sleeve of the short, black dress she was
wearing, then checked to see whether she could easily reach the stake she’d hid
in her other sleeve.
<That
sure as hell gives a new meaning to the term safe sex…> she thought while
getting out from her car.
She
shook her head and couldn’t help chuckling at that thought, She was in front of
the room’s door, still chuckling, but she froze when she heard in her mind
Spike’s laughter.
She
took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock at the door, but gasped when
Spike opened it. He was in his game face, he smiled at her showing his fangs, he
lightly grabbed her wrist and said, "Come in, luv…I think it’s payback
time"
-10-
Willow
would have been utterly surprised whether she’d known Spike was as doubtful as
she was about their deal.
He’d
paced the room, while waiting for Willow to sort out her feelings,
understanding for the first time the Watcher’s need to pace.
He’d
even made a mental note to himself to buy him a stock of Earl Gray Tea, then
he’d stopped in his tracks and growled at the thought, thinking he had been
spending way too much time with humans.
<What
the *fuck* am I doing here? Making a deal with a human to shag her? Groping her
like a horny teenager? Mate…you’re losing it! >
He’d
thought shaking his head. He liked Willow, a lot. He probably liked her too
much. He hadn’t lied to her, he was really falling in love with her, and he was
mad as hell, for that very reason.
"Vampires
aren’t supposed to fall in love with humans…they’re happy meals on legs,
remember? Come on Spike! Angel anyone? Great, now I’m talking to myself…next
thing I’m going to brood over the unfairness of my unlife!"
He’d
shaken his head, but had frozen when he’d felt Willow’s doubts and fear.
It
hadn’t taken long for him to realize he
was the stronger part of the link they shared. He could always sense, feel,
hear her...and what surprised him was that he enjoyed their link.
He
liked her mind, liked her way of thinking, her sense of humor, her intelligence.
After one hundred years spent with Drusilla and that brief period spent with
Harmony, it was a relief for him, to be able to have a decent conversation with
another person without wanting to smack his head against a wall.
He’d
loved Drusilla. He’d loved her with fierce intensity, that love had always
surprised people in the vampire community…but he hadn’t cared about it. Being
evil was a blast, he enjoyed it…but he couldn’t help the fact that he was able
to love.
Perhaps
something had gone wrong when he had been turned, perhaps his inner demon was a
ninny or someone below him really had a twisted sense of humor, all he knew was
that when Dru had left him, he’d hurt, a lot, it had shredded his undead
heart…and that for the first time since then, he felt whole…thanks to the
red-headed witch.
He’d
smiled at Willow’s thoughts. She was afraid to disappoint him. He had been able
to hear her thoughts about giving him a happy and had had to chuckle.
First thing first, the witch had to work a
little on her self-esteem, he’d decided recalling their brief and intense
meetings of the previous days.
There
was a fire within her, a passion he could almost taste when they were together.
She was so responsive, so passionate…he realized with a smile that The Slayer
and the Watcher hadn’t been the only ones needing cold showers lately.
Of
course he hadn’t taken cold showers, since he was a vampire…but the temptation
had been strong.
Very
strong.
He’d
shaken his head and had sat on the bed lightly scratching the black polish on
his thumb’s nail. He’d then crossed his arms over his chest and had silently
asked
~
Uhm…Willow? Are you going to sit in that car forever? I can wait…you know…I’m…~
Willow
had interrupted him, silently telling him she knew he was undead…how in the
bloody hell did she knew what he’d been about to say?
He’d
sensed she had been afraid. He had blinked and had silently asked,
~
Have you changed your mind about our deal? ~
He
hadn’t been happy about the idea, especially when he’d realized that he
wouldn’t have forced her to do anything. He'd tortured people. He'd killed
people just for the fun of it, but he had never raped a woman whether human or
vampire.
Of
course he was going to scare ten or maybe twenty years out of her life whether
she’d changed her mind…but forcing her into anything had been out of the
question.
<Am
I going soft or what?> He’d silently wondered shrugging.
~
I’ll be right here ~ She’d silently
told him and Spike had to fight the irrational urge of breathing in relief.
He’d
blinked when he’d felt that Willow was still unsure about him. He knew she
probably had weapons with her, his suspicions had been confirmed when she’d
heard Willow’s remark about safe sex.
He
had laughed at her words. He really loved her sense of humor and her chuckles.
He’d
approached the door when he’d felt her near. He’d been able to hear her heart
beat, he’d sniffed the sweet smell of her fear and her arousal. He’d gone to
the door but had stopped when he’d considered what he’d just though about her
chuckles.
He’d
growled, angry at himself and without even realizing he’d morphed in his game
face. He’d opened the door, and the demon within himself had been delighted at
her scared look, he’d smiled at her, showing his fangs.
He’d
lightly grabbed her wrist careful not to hurt her and had said, "Come in,
luv…I think it’s payback time"
-11-
He
closed the door behind him, still holding Willow’s wrist. She was frightened,
he could sense it, both through their link and her blood.
He
fought back his demon and turned toward her. He let go of her wrist and smiled
asking wryly, "So…when are you going to announce to the world your
engagement with your car?"
"Uh?"
Willow managed to say frowning.
She
was shocked. Spike had scared her senseless when he’d greeted her in grrr-mode,
for an instant she’d feared he was going to kill her…and she had to admit she
still feared that.
"Earth
to Willow…do you miss your car? Do you want us to move there? It’s okay for me,
though not very comfy"
Spike
asked, he couldn’t help smiling at her stunned face.
Willow
nodded, then shook her head no, then looked at him and blinked when she noticed
what he was wearing... blue jeans and a black, tight t-shirt. She
swallowed…wondering why suddenly her throat was as dry as the Sahara desert.
She took a deep breath, yet her voice came
out as a squeal when she said, "No…uhmm…I like being here…"
"Good…"
he said nodding.
They
both were quiet for a while, then Willow suddenly asked, "May I know why you
greeted me like that? You scared me senseless!"
He
laughed and shrugging said, "Luv, I’m a vampire, remember?"
Willow
lightly shook her head and placing her hands on her hips said, "Well, Mr.
I’m-evil-and-proud-of-it…try one of these tricks again and I’ll turn you in the
first vampire squirrel ever!"
A
part of him felt the need to apologize to the young woman.
He
could still hear the pounding of her heart in her chest and smell the
adrenaline, instead he just shrugged and said, "Look, Red…I’m no prince
charming…neither I’m the big Poofini… "
"So?"
she asked crossing her arms over her chest
"So
you have to expect to see me acting like that if we want this to work …"
~
Uh? ~ she silently said frowning.
Spike
frowned as well and said, "Let me rephrase this…"
"W…wait…did
you just….did you just say work ? As in …"
"As
in *nothing *…" he said adamantly, interrupting her.
"I
just wanted to warn you…"
"Oh,
thank you, I guess…" she whispered.
Spike
just shrugged…wondering why he’d warned her and mostly why he’d done it to
cover the slip of his tongue, and since when he’d wanted things to work between
them, anyway?
She
shortened the distance between them and said, "Well, now that we have made
things clear between us what do we do?"
Spike
smiled and said, "You could start throwing away the cross and the stake
you’re hiding somewhere under that beautiful outfit of yours… "
Willow
smiled and shrugged, then said, "Can I trust you?"
He’d
to laugh at her words, "Of course not…but if you don’t throw that stuff
away, we’re going to give a whole new meaning to the term coitus
interruptus"
Willow
giggled at his words, but didn’t move. Spike sighed and said, "Red?"
Willow
smiled at him and took some steps backwards, she took a deep breath and slowly
began unzipping her dress.
Spike
stared at her, his face didn’t betray any emotion, but he had to admit he was
surprised, to say the least.
The
cross and the stake dropped on the floor, Willow slowly knelt and took them in
her hands and whispered, "I’ll put these away"
Spike
looked at her. It was the first time, he was really seeing her undressed. She
was in front of him, wearing only blue bra and panties.
Spike
couldn’t explain the strange lump which was forming in his throat at the
thought of his Willow trusting him enough to undress before him, when just a
few minutes before he’d greeted her in his demon face.
<Face
it, you’ve got a thing for her…since
when she’s * my* Willow?> He thought
"You
have a great body Red, you should show it rather than covering it…" he
said, happy about how casual his remark had sounded.
Willow
smiled at him while putting the stake and the cross in the nightstand’s drawer.
~
Yeah, right…don’t you see how many people are ready to undress and take me? ~
~I
am…and I don’t give a bloody damn about the others, do you? ~
Willow
looked at him and shook her head smiling. She slowly climbed on the bed and hugged
her knees with her arms then looked at him saying, "You know? It’s
strange…I was more scared in my car, while fully dressed than now, in the same
room with you, covered only in lace underwear… "
"I
don’t know whether to consider myself offended or flattered by this
statement" he replied sitting on the edge of the bed.
He looked at her, he could sense she wasn’t
scared anymore.
Willow
smiled at his words and slowly crawled toward him.
She stood on her knees behind him and began
slowly massaging his shoulders whispering, "I thought that when I entered
this room you’d have taken me, against a wall...without even saying a
word…"
Spike
turned and cocked an eyebrow at her dryly saying, "Thanks for the vote of
confidence…"
She
laughed and said gently scraping the nape of his neck with her nails, "Do
I need to remind you what happened against the wall of Giles’ bedroom
yesterday?"
Spike
couldn’t help smiling when he remembered how he’d surprised her, just the night
before while the others had been busy collecting the books downstairs, gently
pushing her against a wall of Giles’ bedroom, and how he’d kissed her almost
literally senseless.
He
arched his head back when he felt Willow’s lips gently suckling on his earlobe,
her hands went on his back to help him out of his shirt.
He
could feel her hot skin through the fabric of his shirt and her hot breath
against his ear when she purred, "Instead here I am, undressing you on the
bed…."
She
tilted her head down and kissed him on
the neck, tasting his cool skin with her tongue.
~
Uhm…Willow? What the hell are you doing? I’m a vampire…remember? Kissing me on
the neck is not …~ He silently began
not trusting his voice, he didn’t remember when had last been so turned on.
His mind total shut down, though when she
licked his Adam’s apple and gently sucked at it
~
You were saying? ~
Willow
silently told him. he looked at her, she was grinning, he grinned back at her
~
Never mind…go on…don’t stop…~
He
silently said closing his eyes.
~I
wasn’t planning to…~
She
silently replied He couldn’t help groaning when Willow’s small hands went under
his shirt, touching his bare skin, grazing his nipples with her fingertips.
Spike
turned toward the woman and met her mouth in a deep kiss, he slid an arm around
her waist, and pulled her onto his lap.
When they parted from each other, Willow was
smiling, Spike grazed her lips with a finger and whispered, "Red, before
we go on…there’s something I need to tell you…"
"What?"
She asked, fearing he’d changed his mind. She could feel how aroused he was,
yet she was afraid all the same….what if he’d realized he didn’t want to go on?
What
if he’d changed his mind?
~
We…I can go if you want…~
Spike
raised a brow and said, "Not bloody likely…I haven’t changed my mind,
we’re going to make love…got it?"
"Make
love?" she echoed blinking.
"Yes…how
the hell do you call it?" he asked puzzled. He looked at her for a second,
not understanding the surprise in the woman’s voice, until what Willow had
thought about their meeting hit him.
~
Thanks * again* for the vote of confidence, Willow! ~
"Well,
I told you what I thought was going to happen once I entered this room…"
she mumbled shrugging.
Spike
nodded and said, "Well…you were probably right…but I just want you to know
that I’m not going to hurt you tonight…and not just because of the blasted chip.
I’m not going to hurt you because I don’t *want* to… "
He
stopped talking for a second, then looking at her added, "But I’m *still*
a vampire, Willow. "
Willow
raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to speak, but Spike covered it with a
hand and said, "Before you go ‘duh’ on me, I want to make things clear
between us.. I warned you before, and I’m doing it again, though I’d be damned
if I know why. This is *not* a fairy tale…I’m not going to turn into a normal,
nice guy…I’m not going to go into any Anne Rice routine…I. Don’t. Have. A.
Soul. This is never going to change…when we’re finished I’ll still be Mr.
I’m-evil-and-proud-of-it …got it?"
She
nodded at him
~
Got it…~
She
then took the hand which was still covering her mouth and placed it over her
breast, saying, "That doesn’t mean, we can’t have fun, though."
Spike
couldn’t help chuckling at her words, he gently squeezed her breast and said,
"Right…and besides look at the bright side…"
"That
would be?" she asked, gasping when Spike’s other hand gently made its way
between her thighs, under her panties and began stroking her most sensitive
spot.
"I’m
not going to turn into the jerk who never phones the morning after"
She
grinned while pushing against his hand and whispered, "You already
are…"
He
grinned back at her and silently told
~
That I am…so don’t worry we’re going to give each other a happy… and it looks
like I just see one coming in the very near future…~
Music
Box
PART
2: things move.
***SIX
MONTHS LATER***
-1-
Have
yourself a merry little Christmas
let
yourself be light From now on, our troubles
will
be out of sight....
The
music filled the air in Giles' house. Buffy and Giles were around the tree,
trying to decorate it and not quite succeeding.
Xander
and Anya were sitting on the floor, trying to disentangle the lights, Spike and
Willow were in the kitchenette, they couldn't hear them talking, but they could
hear noise of kitchen implements being moved.
Deciding
to spend Christmas together had been fairly natural for them, since they were
spending most of their time at Giles', anyway.
"Buffy,
what in the name of God are you doing?" Giles asked looking at the woman.
Buffy
looked at him blinking and asked, "Uhm...I'm trying to decorate the
tree?"
Giles
shook his head. Buffy looked at the results of her attempts, sighed and looking
at him said, "I'm trying to destroy this poor pine tree?"
"I
guess so, love..." He said smiling.
Buffy
shrugged and said out loud, "Willow? When did you say the effects of the
truth's spell were going to wear out?"
"Ah,
bloody, ah..." He mumbled placing a little crystal star on the tree
Willow
got out from the kitchenette and asked, "What did you just say?"
Buffy
looked at her friend and waved a hand in the hair saying, "Aw, forget it,
doesn't matter...my watc..." Giles flashed her a look. She shook her head
and said, "er...boyf..." Giles raised an eyebrow, Buffy rolled her
eyes and pointing at Giles said, "*He* thinks I'm destroying the tree with
my attempts to decorate it "
Willow
entered the living room, she took a look at the tree, crossed her arms over her
chest and looking at Buffy said, "He's right, Buff..."
She
then returned to the kitchenette, ignoring her friend's growlings.
"Fine,
Will...whatever! Remind me of this, next time you need that black
skirt..." she said out loud, yet she was smiling.
Buffy
realized, that in the last six months, she'd always had a goofy grin on her
face. She was afraid to tell she was happy, even to herself.
Life
had been quite hectic for the past six months. She'd slayed, she'd studied and
she'd sometimes barely restrained herself from pushing Giles against a wall and
make love to him.
They'd
decided to wait. At first she'd thought it was romantic, and she still thought
it was.
Yet,
she often wondered, what they were waiting for, after all they loved each
other, they were happy together...their relationship hadn't gotten in the way
of their duties as slayer and watcher...then why they hadn't still made love?
Twice
they had tried to. Both times they'd been interrupted by someone or something.
She
was really beginning to suspect there was a conspiracy going on.
<First
we couldn't admit our feelings to each other even if our lives depended on it, then
after it took a bloody spell to make us admit them, we can't make love...maybe
we should have made it that night.
Great!
Now I'm beginning to sound like a nympho! Hey, did I just say *bloody* spell?
Ok, girl...in case you didn't notice, you’ve got it bad for your ex watcher
>
She
giggled then she shook her head and approached Giles.
She
slid both her arms around his waist and rested her head against his back,
inhaling his scent. She closed her eyes, she could hear Giles' heartbeat, she
smiled and placed a kiss on the nape of his neck, smiling when he shivered,
then whispered, "You know, Giles? I've just decided that your heart beat
is my favorite sound in the world"
Giles
smiled and turned around, he met her eyes and one of her brightest smiles,
ever. He leaned toward her and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose, then said,
"Thank you. I take you've forgiven me?"
"For
what?" she asked really surprised. Giles looked at her and said, "For
the tree..."
Buffy
raised her eyebrows and Giles shaking his head said, "Uhm, it doesn't
matter..."
Her
arms were still wrapped around his waist, and he had an arm around her
shoulders, when Xander raising his head looked at them and snorted, "Jeez,
guys...you're really trying to make it up for the time you lost, aren't
you?"
Both
Buffy and Giles grinned at Xander's words, then Giles placed a kiss on Buffy's
forehead and let go of her saying, "Why don't we take a walk outside? I am
sure Xander and Anya will be happy to keep decorating the tree"
"Gladly"
she said smiling.
She
stood on her tiptoes and kissed his mouth before grabbing a stake both their
coats and headed toward the door.
Giles
shook his head and followed her. He turned toward Xander and Anya who were
kissing, shook again his head and left, without them even noticing.
-2-
~
This is torture, Willow, you know? And please believe me, I know something
about torture! ~
Spike's
voice exploded in her head, while she was cooking.
She
yelped and turned toward Spike who had morphed into his game face.
Not
caring about it, she flashed him an angered glare yet she politely asked,
"Could you hand me the salt?"
~
We have decided they didn't have to know about us, and yet you were all but
undressing me in the kitchenette! Luckily for us they were all too busy
smooching to notice it! ~
She
replied to his silent question.
~
Yeah Willow, it's easy for you...if you didn't want me to undress you, why are
you wearing that blue dress? You know how much I like it...~
Spike
heard Willow giggle at his words.
~
Do you think it's funny? ~
He
silently asked, his tone had been serious, yet his eyes were twinkling and he'd
morphed back into his human face.
~
Well, Spike...next time, I'll choose more carefully what to wear, then. I chose
this dress, just because it masks well, my not wearing any underwear ~
A
second later, Xander and Anya from the living room, heard the noise made by the
casserole who Spike had been previously holding, dropping on the floor and a
loud, "Bloody hell, Red! Are you trying to driving me crazy, or
what?"
Xander
looked concerned at the couple in the kitchenette. They were facing each other,
a strange look on their faces.
Xander
turned toward Anya and asked, "Do you think we should go and check on
Willow?"
Anya
held back a laughter and said, "No love, I don't think we have to. Willow
can take care of herself"
"Do
you think she's safe with Spike? I mean they're getting quite along and
all...but..." Xander seemed genuinely concerned for his friend.
Anya
just shook her head and said, "Love, he can't hurt her..."
<
And I don't know why, I think that even if he could, he'd rather be dust than
hurting her... >
She
thought. Anya was the only one who knew about Willow and Spike.
She
hadn't caught them together, and they'd been really careful, no one in fact suspected
about them, but she knew.
She could sense what was going on. She'd been
able to, since the beginning. She hadn't told anyone, she hadn't even let
Willow understand that she knew.
Spike
knew though. The night they'd cast the spell on Buffy and Giles, when Xander
had driven Tara to the dorm, he'd approached her and had said, "One
word...mind your own business"
"Actually
that would be four" she had dryly replied.
"Yeah,
whatever..." he'd told. He'd gotten close to her and had hissed morphing
in his game face, "Not a word to anyone..."
"You
don't hurt her and there won't be any problems" she had said.
Spike
had morphed back in his human face when he had said, "I will never hurt
her, it's not what I want..."
"What
do you want from her, then?" She had asked.
He
had been about to answer, when Willow had joined them. They hadn't talked about
it ever again, and Spike had kept his word.
He
hadn't hurt her, actually Willow seemed very happy.
She
put her arms around Xander's neck and said between kisses, "Don't worry,
she'll be fine..."
Back
in the kitchenette, Spike was leaning against the fridge. He was looking at
Willow, smiling.
After
that first night at the hotel, there had been another…and then another, they
just hadn’t been able to stop meeting, they’d finally talked realizing they
were in a relationship…sort of.
He
realized in that moment, though, that the petite red-head had made him forget
Drusilla.
Though he didn't want to admit, he was *in*
love with the young witch. He was so in love, that for her own happiness, he
didn't tell her about his feelings. their relationship was ...multi faced.
They
were having sex, lot of it, and it was, to put it mildly indescribable. Yet
their relationship wasn't just physical.
They
talked a lot, Willow knew things about him no one else had ever known before.
They had fun together, watching the telly or playing games, or just silently
talking to each other.
It
wasn't easy to carry on the relationship, since they'd decided to hide it from
Willow's friends.
In
the beginning they'd done so, because they thought it was funny, then, as weeks
had became months, they'd just decided that it was their life and that they
didn't owe explanations to anyone, least of all the Slayer and the Watcher.
Spike
smiled at Willow. She was so beautiful, so intelligent, so pure.
He
felt pangs of guilt, whenever he thought about the fact he was robbing her of
her innocence with that relationship.
He
watched her profile, her red hair slightly lighted by the kitchen's lights was
almost like fire. Her green eyes sparkled with happiness, and he felt an
irrational surge of manly pride because he knew *he* was the cause of that
happiness.
~
I'm really going soft...~ he thought.
A
wicked grin crept across Willow's face when she silently told him
~
Oh, I'm sure we can work something out about that, don't you think? ~
Spike
actually blinked at her words.
~
Now, Willow...you're really going to pay for this, you know? ~
Willow
turned slightly toward him, she raised an eyebrow and silently asked
~
Promise? ~
"You
can bet on it, Red" he said aloud a wicked grin matching Willow's while he
silently told her how exactly she was going to pay.
-3-
"Where
are you taking me?" Buffy asked, clasping Giles' hand in hers.
Giles had blinded her with a scarf, once
they'd gotten in the car.
She
hadn't objected, had just rested her head, against Giles' shoulder.
She'd
dozed off, lulled by Giles' scent, and the light noise of the car.
Giles
had awoken her with a kiss, when he had stopped the car. Buffy had smiled
against his lips and had asked, "May I?"
"No,
you have to wait" he'd told her.
Once
they'd gotten out of Giles' car, and he'd taken her hand in his, she'd said,
"One of these days you'll have to tell me, how you manage to always know
what I'm thinking and what I'm going to say..."
Giles
had laughed at her words, and he'd lead her to their destination.
Now
they'd stopped walking, Giles hadn't removed the scarf from her eyes, yet.
She
felt him behind her, she felt his warmth, and smiled when he whispered against
her ear, " I shall remove the scarf, now. Just promise me, you'll keep
your eyes closed until I tell you to open them"
"Slayer's
honor" she said between giggles.
"That's
my girl" he whispered again against her ear, before kissing her earlobe.
Buffy shivered in anticipation. Though Giles had removed the scarf from her,
Buffy didn't open her eyes, until, a soft music filled the air.
She
gasped in surprise, when she recognized where they were, in the library, rather
what remained of the true library.
It
was scarcely illuminated by the street lamplights and the full moon who was
rising.
She
was so surprised by what she was seeing that it took her some seconds to
recognize the song. A smile crept across her face when she did.
When
I'm lost, you shine a light for me
And
set me free. When I'm low, you wash
Away
my tears and take me through the
loneliness,
and emptiness, through the
darkest
night, somehow I'll survive.
Through
it all, when you tell me I'm the
only
one you need, sweet and tenderly,
and
your love breaks away the clouds
surrounding
me
All
I have I wanna give to thee
Buffy
had tears in her eyes when Giles approached her, shyly asking, "May I have
this dance?"
She
just nodded, the lump in her throat preventing her from speaking. She buried
her face in Giles' chest, while he led her.
If
I should fall, your love is strong enough,
to
lift me up. If I'm afraid, oh babe, you chase
away
my tears, and take me to a brighter place,
beyond
the rain, and I feel alright, 'cause, you're
By
my side. Through it all, when you tell me I'm the
the
only one you need, sweet and tenderly, and your
love
breaks away the clouds surrounding me
All
I have I wanna give to thee.
Giles
felt her shaking against him, he pulled her closer, to warm her. Buffy
tilted her head up, Giles could see
that her eyes were twinkling with unshed tears, she swallowed hard before
whispering, "I really love you, Rupert Giles, you know?"
Giles
just nodded, unable to do something else. Buffy nodded as well and sighed
before resting her head against his chest, while the song continued, and Giles
led her.
She
hadn't known he was such a good dancer, she knew without doubt that she'd have
lied like that all night long.
<
And if a vampire decides to pay a visit to us right now, he's *so* going to
regret it.. >
She
thought. She bit her bottom lip, to not giggle.
You
take me through, the loneliness, and
Emptiness,
and I feel alright 'cause you're
By
my side. Through it all, you tell me, I'm
The
only one you need, so sweet and tenderly
And
your love just sweeps away the clouds
surrounding
Me. Baby all I have I wanna
give
to thee.
She
raised her head and looking at him she mouthed the last lines of the song.
I
wanna give you all of my love...
He
smiled, while tears veiled his eyes as she kept mouthing the song's words
Now
and forever my love...
All
I have I wanna give to thee.
They
both smiled at each other, when the song ended. Giles took her in his arms and softly
kissed her. She let out a shaky sigh against his cheek and closing her eyes
whispered, "Wow...I...I *so* need a drink right now..."
He
chuckled and kissed her forehead then he gently pulled her away from him and
said, "Don't move..."
"I
don't plan to...and besides I don't think my legs would carry me even if I
tried." She mumbled.
Giles
came back a few seconds later, holding in his hands two mugs of...hot
chocolate. She began laughing, so hard that her sides hurt and tears began
streaming down her face.
Giles looked at her, puzzled, then politely
asked, "Buffy? Did I do something
wrong?"
Buffy
just shook her head, while she wiped away the tears from her face with the back
of her hand. Giles was smiling.
He loved when Buffy laughed, her laughter
always seemed to fill his heart , his soul.
Buffy
approached him and stood on her tiptoes before kissing him square on the lips.
"Thank you!" she finally said.
"For
what?" he asked, surprised.
"For
being Giles...the most romantic man alive..." she said smiling.
"Actually
I had thought about bringing some champagne, but then I realized you are
still..."
"Under
age to drink..." she finished for him.
She
took a sip of the hot liquid from her mug and smiling said, "See? You
always take care of me...besides, how did you know I'd have needed a
drink?"
Giles
lowered his head and looked at the cup he had in hands, then shrugged and
raising his head, he just said, "Because I love you..."
She
smiled, yet her eyes filled with tears, she rolled her eyes and said, "I
don't know how you manage to do that...you make smile, yet you bring tears in
my eyes at the same moment..."
"I'd
say, I often wonder the same thing about you, love" he paused then he
hesitantly added, "my love..."
Buffy
closed her eyes, letting some tears roll down her cheeks. She sighed, knelt and
placed her mug on the floor, then she got close to him.
Giles placed his mug on a stone and took her
in his arms, then he hugged her tight, when he released her, he looked at her
and said, "A...actually...I...w...we came here, because there is
s...something I need to tell y...you"
Buffy
tilted her head and looked at him concerned but she couldn't help teasing,
"Must be serious, I hadn't heard you stutter in a while..."
Giles
pulled her slightly away, holding her arms, and said, "Actually it is,
Buffy."
He
took a deep breath, let go of her arms and knelt before her, he extracted from
his jacket's pocket a small, velvet box, he swallowed and said, "Buffy...I
have thought about what to say for the longest time...but even with the help of
poems...I couldn't even getting close to find words which describe, how much I
love, need and cherish you. I want to be with you...always. Will you marry
me?"
Buffy
swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the San Francisco sized lump in her
throat.
She
slowly knelt in front of him, she caressed his cheeks and cheekbones with trembling
fingers before throwing herself in his arms.
"Is
it a yes?" he asked, trying to balance himself.
She
looked at him and almost shouted, "Yes!"
She
kissed his face everywhere, then she suddenly stopped and giggled against his
jaw.
Giles
smiled and caressed her hair asking, "What?"
She
lightly pulled back and between giggles said, "You know? You could have
said, 'You. Me. Marriage. Now ' and I'd accepted anyway"
He
laughed at those words and commented, "It wouldn't have been very
romantic."
"I
know..." she said shrugging, but she was still giggling.
Giles
shook his head and patiently looked at her while she tried to calm herself,
after a while she said, "Don't look at me like that! It's not everyday I
get engaged..."
"I
should hope so" he dryly replied.
"I
have every right to giggle..." she all but pouted.
Giles
raised an eyebrow and said, "I guess you are right, love..."
"Say
it again?" she asked smiling.
"I
guess you are right? Do you want me to put it in writing for you?" he
teased.
"Later,
but I want to hear again the other part..."
"Love?"
he asked smiling.
She
nodded, and he repeated, "Love...you're my love...I love you Buffy
Summers..."
"I'd
never tire to hear that from your lips..." she softly said, looking at
him, grazing his hair with her fingers.
"Good,
because I'm not going to get tired to say that anytime soon."
"I
think we have a deal, then." She purred
"Yes,
it looks like...you and me struck together...for the duration." He
whispered against her mouth, before kissing her.
When
they parted, Buffy rested her head against his shoulder for an instant, then
she raised it and asked, "May I see the ring now?"
"I
knew you were with me, just for my money..." he
teased.
She
laughed a little then teased back, "Actually, I'm in it for the
sex..."
"Ah,
ah...I'm barely containing my mirth." He replied. He then opened the small
box, revealing a solitaire diamond on a platinum setting.
"Oh,
my God..." she managed to say.
She
didn't even realize that Giles had slid it on her ring finger of her left hand.
It fit perfectly. She lightly raised her hand to admire it. The diamond
sparkled in the moonlight.
She
looked at him and grinned before saying, "Forget the sex, Rupert...I'm
with ya for the big bucks!"
Giles'
face grew suddenly very serious, Buffy looked at him puzzled. She lightly hit
his forearm and said, "Giles? I was kidding..."
Giles
shook his head and flashed her a grin before saying,
"Do
you realize you've just called me Rupert?"
"So?
It's your name, isn't it?" she asked, not understanding where he was
heading.
"Yes
love, I know...but you..."
She
suddenly opened her mouth to talk, but she closed it and shrugged, "I
guess there's a first time for everything"
"Undoubtedly
" he said, he was still grinning, though.
<You
wanna grin, G-Man? Let's see if I can help >
She
silently thought. She gave him her best smile and grazing his chest with her
fingers said, "Speaking of first times for everything. Do you think now
that we're engaged we could finally, uhm... make love? Shag like bunnies?"
Giles'
grin widened when he said, "I certainly hope so, love."
"THANK
GOD!" she said out loud before pinning his fiancé to the floor of their
former library and kissing him almost senseless.
-4-
~
Usual place, Spike. It's very important! ~
That's
all Willow had said. He hadn't been able to make her talk all evening.
It
was the night before Buffy and Giles' wedding. They had spent it at the Bronze.
Willow
had looked upset, very upset. She'd lighten up, only when Xander had proposed to
Anya in front of all of them.
Spike
was a bit confused. The confusion had started when a quite embarrassed Giles,
had unexpectedly asked him to be his best man, together with Xander.
The
Slayer and the Watcher had meant to thank him for his help in the casting of
the spell, that way. Of course they had decided not to marry in a church, and
to marry after dusk, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to even attend the
wedding.
He'd
been touched by Giles' request, yet he had accepted only because Willow had
gently asked him to.
He'd long ago realized he couldn't deny
anything to her, and that had been just another proof of it.
Yet,
that night, Willow had avoided him, so he had patiently waited until the
Watcher had fallen asleep before leaving the house and had headed toward the
small hotel outside Sunnydale where Willow and him usually met.
It
was the hotel, the room where everything had started. The room where they had
made love the first time, the night after the casting of the spell.
Spike
entered the room, it was dipped in obscurity, except for the lights which came
from the street.
He
motioned to turn on the lights, but Willow's cracked voice stopped him saying,
"Don't..."
"It's
alright, luv. What happened?" he asked sitting on the bed.
Willow
was facing a wall turning her back on him, avoiding to look at him.
Spike
frowned, trying to sound casual when he said, "You should be with the
Slayer, you're one the bride maids, after all."
"She
was asleep when I left, anyway Anya will cover for me, in case she wakes
up." She stopped talking, then added. "I didn't think she knew about
us."
She
was still facing the wall, still turning her back on him.
"Don't
worry, she won't talk." Spike said.
He
was worried. When they were alone they usually only communicated through their
link. When they were alone they usually couldn't keep eyes and hands off each
other.
Something
was wrong. He knew it, even before she weakly said, "It doesn't matter
anymore"
Spike
closed his eyes, clenching his hands into fists. That was it, it was the end.
Willow
had probably finally realized how wrong their relationship was and she was
going to end it.
He
couldn't blame her, yet he was trying very hard not to shout at her.
"What
does it mean?" he asked, surprised by how soft his voice had sounded.
She
lightly turned toward him, still avoiding eye contact and handed him a paper.
"What
is it?" He asked, taking it in his hands.
~
The Watcher's Council called me. They're offering me to become a Watcher. Giles
and Wesley pulled a lot of strings for me...~
She
silently said, using for the first time their link. His first reaction was of
pure, absolute joy for her.
He
knew that was her dream, she'd told she'd almost given up hope they were going
to call her.
He
smiled and brushed her hair with his fingers, then realization of that letter's
meaning sank into him and he hissed as if he was in pain, jerking his hand away
from her hair.
"What
are you going to do?" he finally asked.
"I
don't know, Spike. I honestly don't know what to do. I've until Sunday to
decide, though."
"When
should you leave?" Spike asked.
"Monday,
in case I accept ." she whispered
The
vampire sighed then said, "I think you should accept"
"What?"
she asked, she sat up on the bed, still avoiding eye contact. "Do you know
what does it mean? I'm going to leave Sunnydale, I'm going to go to London to
train as Watcher..."
"I
know what it means, Willow." He said, he too was finding difficult looking
at her.
~
You should go, Willow. You deserve so much more than this ~
He
silently added.
"I
love *this* , Spike!" she said out loud.
"Yet
you don't know what to do." he noted.
"I'm
confused, I admit it, but I'm happy here and I don't want to give up on it...I
don't want to leave you..."
~
And I don't want you to leave me...~
He
silently said.
~
Ask me to stay then, I will...~
"I
won't, Willow. I won't do this to you." he whispered
"Why?"
she asked, crying.
"BECAUSE
I LOVE YOU!" he shouted.
He
jerked away when Willow touched his shoulders and got up.
He
went to the window, and fixed his glare on the street, he heard Willow approaching
him, but stopping just before touching him.
He closed his eyes.
They
were both quiet for a while, then Willow said, her voice still cracked, "I
don't get it...you love me, yet you want me to leave?"
Spike
shook his head and turned toward the woman, meeting for the first time her eyes
that night and noticing how red and puffy they were.
He
caressed her hair and said, "I want you to *live *, Willow. Even if we
ignore it, even if we refuse to think about it we both know I can't give this
to you, I can't give anything to you" he paused then hissed, "I'm a
vampire, dammit!"
Willow
raised her eyebrows, and crossed her arms over her chest. Spike couldn't help
smiling while looking at her, he shrugged and whispered, "Duh!"
"Understatement
of the century" she replied smiling, yet her eyes were full of tears.
Spike
grazed her shoulders and said, "Don't you understand? What can I give you?
What can I offer to you? I can't even keep your feet warm at night! How can I
ask you to give up the best thing which has ever happened to you?"
Spike
couldn't believe his own ears. He was begging her to leave him, he was putting
her before everyone else, including himself.
He
shook his head, angry at himself and at his un life, which had really a bizarre
sense of humor.
Willow's
quiet voice, though, broke his thoughts when she whispered, " *You* are
the best thing which has ever happened to me" she let out a shaky breath,
before saying, "I love you, Spike."
Spike
irrationally felt his throat clenching at her words. He traced her lips with
his fingers before stepping away.
He headed toward the door and without turning
whispered, "Then leave, Willow. Accept their offer and be the best bloody
Watcher the Council has ever had."
He'd
already opened the door when Willow's voice whispered in his mind.
~
I will, but I don't have to tell them until Sunday. I don't have to leave until
Monday. We still have three days...and I want them, we both do .~
Spike
froze. He turned around and looked at her, she was leaning against a wall, he
saw that she was wearing her night gown under her coat.
She
was smiling at him, Spike smiled back at her.
Willow
took some steps forward, Spike slowly did the same, closing the door behind
him.
They
stopped at the center of the half darkened room looking at each other, then
Willow threw herself in Spike's arms, wrapping her arms around his shoulders,
standing on her tiptoes to reach his face and kissed him before pulling away,
surprised, when Spike took her in his strong arms.
He
felt her warm body pressed against his and he couldn't help smiling while he
slowly began kissing her face.
He kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her jaw,
cheeks, finally he kissed her lips, losing himself in her sweet, unique taste.
When
he reluctantly parted from her, he said chuckling, "It's official, I'm
Poof Boy jr.!"
Willow
giggled against his forehead. Spike took some steps then he gently placed her
on the bed.
He
kissed both her hands and sitting beside her said, "You're right, we have
three more days before you leave, let's not waste them, alright?"
~
Way to go, Fang Boy! ~
She
silently teased him. Spike rolled his eyes and snorted, then said, "You've
really hung around Xander too much, Red"
"Yeah,
whatever..." she then surprised him shifting and sitting on his lap with
her legs on either sides of his thighs and said, "May I know what you have
in mind?"
She
then lowered her head and began placing soft, hot kisses on his neck, she
lightly nib his earlobe then looking at him asked, "So? What you have in
mind?"
"Not
much if you keep..." he felt her fingers grazing his nipples. He started
looking at her and finished, "doing, whatever you're doing!"
She
grinned at him and raised her hands then repeated, "So What you have in
mind?"
Spike
grinned back at her. He put his hands on her shoulders helping her out of her
coat and said in a husky voice, "I'll tell you what...just after the
wedding, I'm going to take you away, lock us in this very room and make love to
you until the very minute you have to leave...so what do you say? And by the
way, do you really care about this nightgown?"
"No,
why?" she asked, purring.
His
grin answered her question even before he silently told her
~
Because I'm going to rip this blasted thing off of you...~
She
grinned back and raised an eyebrow, laughing and arching her head back when
Spike ripped her nightgown in two pieces and helped her out of it.
She
was naked, sitting on his lap, when Spike asked, "So Willow, what do you
say?"
She
licked her lips before saying, "I'd say we have another deal, Spike, but I
want a preview of it, now!"
"I
thought you'd never asked!" He said.
"Just
shut up Spike, and make love to me..." She whispered before meeting his
mouth in a deep, carnal kiss.
-5-
"You're
beautiful, Buffy!" Joyce Summers exclaimed looking at her daughter.
They
were in her house, in Joyce's bedroom and they were all almost ready to go
downstairs, where the ceremony was going to be held. Joyce felt her heart skip
a beat looking at her daughter, her long blonde hair was loose on her
shoulders.
Her
dress was very simple, long and white, it left her shoulders naked, but it had
long silky sleeves. It perfectly fitted her, she wasn't wearing any jewelry
except her engagement ring on her right hand and on her neck, a little heart
shaped blue crystal Willow had given her, yet she was stunning.
Joyce
sighed holding back tears. In the beginning she hadn't been exactly thrilled at
Buffy's decision to marry Giles, she'd soon changed her mind, though, when
she'd seen how happy she was with him.
She
had never seen her that happy, not even before she'd been called as Slayer.
She
had accepted the idea that her baby girl was in love with a man much older than
her and that she was willing to spend the rest of her life with him.
Buffy
looked at her mother sensing what she was thinking and smiled at her, lightly
shrugging.
Mother and daughter looked at each other for
some seconds, Buffy's eyes were swelling with tears, it was Willow who broke
the atmosphere shaking her head and saying smiling yet putting on her 'resolve'
face, "Don't even thinking about crying Buffy Summers or I'll kick your
Slayer arse!"
Buffy
looked at her friend surprised and stuck out her tongue at her then said,
"Kick my Slayer arse? Jeez , Willow! Spike much?"
Willow
flushed then stuttered, "W...well...you...you are so beautiful, I...I
don't want you to have your make up messed!"
Buffy
smiled at her friend and said, "You know Will? I'm really going to miss
you, when you go to England."
Willow
just nodded. She'd told the others about the Council's offer that afternoon,
they all had been happy for her and Spike had even managed to mock her, masking
his real feelings.
She got close to her friend and said,
"I'll miss you, Buffy, but I think you'll be in good hands..."
Buffy
beamed at her and said, "The best..."
They
tightly hugged and were interrupted only by Anya who said, "Sorry to
interrupt this moving moment...and by the way Will, I'll miss you too, but
we're late..."
Buffy
and Willow broke their hug and looked at each other for an instant before
giggling, then Willow looking at Anya said, "We don't want to ruin the
tradition, do we?"
"A
bride has got to be late on the wedding...it's a duty" Buffy added.
Anya
looked at the two girl puzzled, then she turned toward Buffy's mother who was
giggling as well and shrugging muttered, "humans..."
Meanwhile,
downstairs, everything was ready for the wedding. Giles, Xander and Spike were
near the Justice of peace, talking.
There
weren't many other people, and both Buffy and Giles thought it was perfect that
way.
When
the Justice of Peace excused himself for some instant, Xander looked at Giles
and grinning asked, "So, G-Man, how does it feel like?"
Giles
smiled and said, "It is breathtaking...and don't call me that" he
quickly said, but he was practically beaming. None of them had ever seen him so
happy.
The
groom and his best men were all dressed in black, with white shirts, though
Giles had a tie while Xander and Spike not.
"Well
mate, you'd better get used to it...you’re going to get married soon, ain't
you?" Spike asked Xander.
The young man just grinned at him and said,
"I want to make her happy..."
"With
you?" Spike asked raising his eyebrows.
~
Spike? Behave! ~
Willow
silently told him from Joyce's bedroom. Spike shrugged at the woman's silent
words and looking at the young man in front of him said, "Well...yeah,
I've seen stranger things happening..."
"Jeez
Spike...you’re really going soft, ya know?" Xander said.
"You
have no idea..." Spike muttered shaking his head and thinking of the
red-head who was upstairs with the slayer.
He
looked at Giles who was staring with an adoring gaze at a framed picture of
Buffy which hung on a wall and he suddenly realized he was really happy for the
two of them, he shook his head again and repeated, "You have no
idea..."
Giles
was still staring at that framed picture. The picture had been taken a little
after Buffy had arrived to Sunnydale.
He still couldn't believe that he was about
to marry Buffy. He shook his head and turned toward Xander to ask him
something, but just then, the music started to fill the hair and the brides
maids slowly began walking toward them.
His
breath caught in his throat when he saw Buffy. Joyce was giving her away since
Hank Summers was in Europe for a business trip.
Buffy
looked radiant in her simple white dress, she slowly approached him, never
taking her eyes away from him.
When
she stopped in front of him, Giles lightly lowered his head and kissed first
her forehead, then her hand.
Buffy
smiled at him and whispered in a shaky voice, "Let's the fun begin"
Giles just nodded, taking her right hand in his.
The
Justice of Peace looked at the couple, smiling. He'd gotten to knew Buffy and
Giles, in the week before the marriage.
Despite
the age difference they were really a good matched couple and it was crystal
clear they were deeply in love with each other. He smiled and said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen we're here tonight to celebrate the love Buffy and
Rupert feel for each other, their bond. Marriage is much more than a contract,
it's a promise, a vow to be together as one, for better and for worse"
The
justice of peace then looked at Buffy and Giles who had wanted the wedding
service to be very simple, but they'd asked to write their own vows, so the
Justice of Peace looked at the two of them and said, " Buffy, Rupert? You
can make your vows... "
Buffy
and Giles turned toward each other, Giles held both Buffy's hands in his and
took a deep breath before saying, "Buffy, my love.
Before
these witnesses...before our friends...our family, I vow to stay by your side,
always.
I vow to share my life with you, to ease your
burdens and to make you happy, as happy as you've made me, loving me.
Before
our friends, before our family, before these witnesses I vow to cherish and
protect our marriage, and I vow to you, not even death will ever part us."
He
kissed her hands and looked at her in her eyes, they were full of tears.
She
let out a shaky breath and said, "Giles" she ignored her friends'
giggles and continued in a cracked voice, "Rupert...you know I've never
been good at speeches, but there's something I need to tell you before these
witnesses, before our friends, before our family"
She
paused and then added, "If I'm here, now, I owe it to you.
If I wake up everyday smiling I owe it to
you.
I
love you so much. I've always been scared by this word.
Perhaps
because I didn't really understand its meaning. I believed love meant pain and
darkness. I didn't know love could give such a complete happiness, I didn't
imagine it could be as bright as sunlight.
You
taught me that, you taught me not to fear life. You gave me strength and
courage.
The
love I feel for you goes beyond time because when I'm with you I don't fear
anything, not even death.
You're
everything to me. You're my best friend, my partner, my conscience, my
touchstone.
What
I can give you for the unconditional love you show me, is myself and I vow
before our friends, before our family, before these witnesses that I'm going to
spend the rest of my life making you happy, cherishing and protecting our
marriage."
She
smiled at him, squeezing his hands and added with a slight smile, "You are
right, you know? Not even death could ever part us..."
They
both turned toward Xander who silently gave them the rings.
He
had planned to feign having lost them, but their friends' speeches had made him
change his mind.
Giles
slipped the gold band on Buffy's ring finger looking at her in her eyes, he
didn't even notice his hand was lightly shaking, the breath caught in his
throat when Buffy did the same.
They
both turned toward the Justice of Peace who, smiling said, "With the power
given me by the laws of the California's State, I now declare you husband and
wife."
He
looked at Giles and added, "You may now kiss the bride"
Giles
heard Spike mutter, "As if he needed your bloody suggestion" before
he lowered his head and kissed her, and a chorus of, "Way to go,
G-Man!" when they eventually parted from each other.
Buffy
wrapped an arm around his waist and turned to look at her friends saying
grinning, "Don't ever call him that...it's my husband you’re talking
about, ya know?"
-6-
How
many sorrows
Do
you try to hide
In
a world of illusion
That's
covering your mind?
~
Are they bloody kidding us? ~
Spike
silently asked Willow when the song started
~
Eurythmics’ 'The Miracle of Love'? Who did choose the music, Poof Boy? ~
Spike
shook his head. He looked at Willow who was lightly smiling and shaking her
head.
~I
don't know, but he or she is *so* gonna pay, you know? ~
I'll
show you something good
Oh
I'll show you something good.
When
you open your mind
You'll
discover the sign
Willow
suddenly told him and closed her eyes, letting him lead them while they danced.
That
there's something
You're
longing to find...
The
miracle of love
Will
take away your pain
When
the miracle of love
Comes
your way again.
~
How long it will take them to go away, anyway? ~
Spike
silently asked Willow, referring to Buffy and Giles.
They
kept dancing, they'd d been dancing for hours.
He closed his eyes barely restraining himself
from crushing her to himself.
He
knew they had the whole weekend to say good-bye to each other, yet he was using
all his will's power not to kiss her in front of anyone.
She
was absolutely stunning that night. Her long emerald green dress, fit her body
like a second skin.
Buffy
had been a beautiful bride, Anya had looked really lovely in the same dress,
but Willow was astounding.
~I
wish I knew, Spike ~
Willow
replied.
Cruel
is the night
That
covers up your fears.
Tender
is the one
That
wipes away your tears.
There
must be a bitter breeze
To
make you sting so viciously -
They
say the greatest coward
Can
hurt the most ferociously.
He
felt her shrug, Spike pulled her lightly closer to him while they were dancing,
the song's words, hitting a little too close to home for both of them.
He
didn't want her to leave. He wish he hadn't been honest to her and had asked
her to stay with him. He wished he hadn't cared.
He wished he didn't love her so much that the
idea she was going to leave him, was squeezing his un life out of him.
He
looked at her, to ask her not to go away, to ask her to stay with him, but when
she smiled at him he knew he wasn't going to change his mind. He wasn't going
to hold her back.
~
You know Willow? It's a real luck I don't breathe, 'cause you're quite
breathtaking tonight ~
Willow
raised her head and looked at him smiling, then whispered, "Thank you"
"You're
most welcome, Red."
~
Why did you say that out loud? ~
He
silently asked.
He realized they had shifted toward a corner
of the room and were dancing much closer than friends normally did.
He
looked around and when sure no one had seen them he lightly pulled away from
her, flashing her an apologetic look.
~I
wanted to...by the way did I tell you how absolutely yummy you look tonight? ~
Spike
held back a chuckle and shook his head saying out loud, "Thank you, I
think."
~
Yummy? ~
Willow
looked at him and whispered, "You're most welcome.."
~
Just, wait until we're alone to find out how yummy you're to me, Spike. ~
But
I'll show you something good.
Oh
I'll show you something good.
If
you open your heart
You
can make a new start
When
your crumbling world falls
apart.
Spike
looked at the woman in his arms and smiled at her, raising an eyebrow, yet his
thoughts held an almost desperate tone when he silently told her,
~I
want to hold you tight to me, Willow...I don't give a damn whether they see us
or not, that's torture! ~
Willow
looked at him surprised, she smiled at him and shrugging said, "Then just
do it..."
~
Hold me tight, Spike...~
The
miracle of love
Will
take away your pain
When
the miracle of love
Comes
your way again.
She
swallowed while the song’s words brought tears to her eyes and almost added,
"Don't ever let me go", but she didn't do it.
Yet when she felt Spike's arms wrapping
around her waist she knew he'd heard her.
-7-
When
the night has come and
the
land is dark, and the moon
is
the only, light we'll see. No
I
won't be afraid no I won't be
Afraid
. Just as long, as you stand
...stand
by me.
"It's
true, Giles. Isn't it?" Buffy
asked against Giles' shoulder.
They
were in the living room dancing. Most of the people who were at the wedding had
left, except for the Scooby Gang and Buffy's mother..
"What,
love?" Giles asked lowering his head and meeting her eyes.
"Are
we really married? I'm not dreaming, aren't I?"
Giles
smiled at his wife, and tenderly traced her lips with his before saying, "As
far as I can see, this is reality. We have been married for...three
hours?"
Buffy
grinned at him and said, "I love being married, you know?"
"I'd
say I rather love it, myself" he dryly replied.
Buffy
rested her chin against his chest while dancing and looking at him asked,
"You know, Giles? We're married now...we can do a lot of things without
being labeled as sinners."
Giles
frowned and stuttered, "Y...yes?"
"Look
around...Xander and Anya are exploring each other's tonsils on the couch..."
"Buffy!"
He exclaimed.
He
couldn't hide a smile though when he saw Xander and Anya deep in what it looked
like a mind blowing kiss.
"Mom
is talking with the Justice of Peace" She continued, pointing with her eyes
at her mother and the Justice of Peace who were talking.
"Spike
and Willow are still dancing together, even if for the life of me I can't
understand why" She said pointing at the red-head and the vampire, who
were dancing in a corner of the room.
"I
am glad you are such an observant woman, Buffy." he said teasing her.
"Ah,
ah...you’re so funny, hubby..." she dryly replied.
"That's
why you married me" he deadpanned.
"Yes,
among the other things" she bit her bottom lip and pulling herself closer
to him whispered, "Why are we still here, Giles? I'd say we should get the
hell outta here... "
Giles
looked around then looking at her said, "We can't just go away..."
"Betcha?"
she asked pulling away from him and placing her hands on her hips. She grinned
at him before clearing her throat and said aloud, "Guys?"
They
all looked at her, Buffy shrugged and said,
"Hmm...Giles
and I are leaving. As much as we love you...and please believe me, we *so* love
you, we wouldn't have ever stuck our heads out of the sand and smelled the
coffee, or rather the Earl Gray without your help...we really need to
go..."
She took a deep breath and looked at Giles,
her friends, her mom and the Justice of Peace who were all trying their best
not to laugh at her and shrugging said, "Aw screw it! I want to be alone
with my husband, is that a crime?"
At
those words, they all laughed, then Willow said, "Have a nice honeymoon,
Buff!"
Buffy
grinned then grabbed the bouquet from a table and said, "Ok, before I go,
let's see who catch this!"
She
turned, while Anya, Willow and Joyce gathered behind her, then she threw the
bouquet, which with a little of Willow's help was caught by Anya, who smiled
and turned toward a beaming Xander.
Buffy turned toward them and said smiling,
"Way to Go, Anya!"
She
then looked at Willow, who was sweetly smiling at the former demon and her best
friend. That girl never ceased to surprise her.
She got close to Willow and hugged her
tightly then whispered in her ear, "I know you're hiding something from
me...and I don't care...just be happy...and be careful in England. "
Willow
buried her face in Buffy's shoulder and tightly held her, though she didn't
tell her anything.
When
they parted they were both crying, Buffy wiped away some tears from Willow's
cheeks and said, "Don't let those pillocks change ya..."
Willow
grinned at her through the tears and said, "Don't worry, Buff...."
She paused then added, "be happy..."
Buffy
nodded, and turned, Giles was next to her she smiled at him and said, "I
guess you have to tell her something, uh?"
Giles
just nodded, Buffy raised on her tip toes, kissed his lips and left them alone.
Giles looked at Willow and said, "Thank you, Willow, for everything."
"Hey,
no biggie..." She protested, trying to stop new tears which were clouding
her sight.
"Be
careful in England, I am sure you are going to be a terrific watcher." He
sincerely said.
"I
learned from the best" she whispered, before pulling him in a bear hug.
When
they parted Giles said smiling, "Let those old pillocks know how a real
Watcher has to be..."
Willow
nodded again, not trusting her voice.
She hadn't expected saying good-bye to them
to be easy, she hadn't imagine though, it would have been so painful.
She
smiled, though, when she said, "Go and take your wife on your honeymoon,
we don't want an upset slayer, do we?"
Giles
chuckled at her words. Buffy joined them some seconds later and took Giles'
hand in hers saying, "Time to go, hubby..."
"Your
wish is my command, love" he whispered.
"Keep
having this 'tude and we're really gonna have fun..." She grinned at him.
Giles
shook his head and said grinning as well, "You're incorrigible!"
"That's
why you love me so much"
"I
guess so" He said, he led her to the door, once they were on the porch he
asked raising his eyebrows, "Care to find out how much I love you?"
Buffy
pulled him to her and kissed him before saying in a husky voice, "I'm
looking forward to it, actually"
His
grin was almost Ripperish when he whispered, "Good"
Buffy
smiled at his husband, shivering in anticipation she traced his lips with her
tongue and purred, "C'mon Ripper, let's go to our honeymoon"
-8-
Buffy
was looking at her reflected image in the mirror of Giles' apartment.
They
were going to leave for Rome the next day, but they had decided to spend their
first night as husband and wife in their house.
She
smiled at herself. She didn't remember ever being so nervous about something.
They'd waited so long it almost seemed impossible the time had come.
<Aw,
c'mon Buffy, get a grip! It's not you haven't seen him naked or something >
She
told herself. She took a last look at her reflected image in the mirror.
She
was wearing an ivory colored silk nightgown, it hinted more than it showed, her
hair was still loose on her shoulders.
She
took a deep breath and looked at her left hand. The gold band and engagement
ring sparkled under the bathroom's lights.
She raised an eyebrow and said aloud,
"Oh, God...I'm a married woman!"
She
put a hand on her mouth to cover a fit of giggles. She leaned against a wall
and took a deep breath.
She closed her eyes for an instant, when she
reopened them whispered, "And now, Mrs. Giles, let's go and enjoy your
honeymoon."
The
bedroom was lit by candles. They were everywhere. Buffy smiled recalling what
Giles had told her the night they had admitted their feelings to each other.
<
I'm a romantic at heart...and I want a bed, candlelight, flowers... >
She
looked around and was not surprised when she saw, daisies' bouquets placed in
various spots in the room.
She
took some steps forward, Giles was sitting on the edge of the bed, he was still
wearing his suit, though he wasn't wearing his jacket and tie and he had rolled
the shirt's sleeves up to his elbows.
"You
are sexy!" She exclaimed surprised, sitting on the bed next to him.
"Uhm...thank
you?" he said, frowning.
Buffy
shrugged and said, "I knew you were sexy...I've been in denial for years,
but I wasn't blind...it's just that...aw crap! You took my breath away when I
saw you!
You're...wow!
And
why I don't just shut up?" She shook her head and hid her face in her
hands.
Giles
put an arm around Buffy's shoulders and said, "It's okay, I'm a bit
nervous too. We've been waiting for so long...while you were changing in the
bathroom I tried to rationalize this feeling, recalling that I had already seen
you naked before..."
"I
did the same thing" She admitted, glad she wasn't the only one feeling
that nervous.
"Really?"
he asked surprised.
"Nope,
I actually was thinking about getting out from the bathroom's window" She
deadpanned.
"Ah,
bloody, ah" He mumbled.
"Funny
thing is, I was ready to get out when it suddenly dawned on me that I am a
married woman".
Giles
looked at her, the 'duh', though not spoken was clearly heard in the room.
"Yeah,
right, keep watching me like that hubby, and you'll be sorry..." She said,
feigning anger.
"How
sorry? What would you do to me?" He whispered, getting his face close to
hers.
Buffy shrugged and said raising an eyebrow,
"First thing first, I'd kiss you" She traced his lips with her tongue,
then lightly forced his mouth open and kissed him, after a long while she
parted from him, they were both panting and smiling she said, "Almost
senseless"
Giles
just nodded, trying to calm the pounding in his chest and the tension building
in his groin.
She
surprised him pinning him on the mattress and sitting above him, he raised his
hands and touched her bare arms with his fingertips, smiling at the Goosebumps
who was forming on her skin .
"What
would you do, then?" He asked.
He ached to touch her, but he didn't do that.
It was Buffy who took his hands in hers and placed them over her breasts,
teasing, "You can touch me now, Giles, we're married, you know?"
"Oh,
Mrs. Giles, I can promise you I know that" He said smiling at her.
He
gently touched her, brushing her nipples through the soft fabric of her night
gown with his fingers, he didn't think he had ever heard such a beautiful sound
as Buffy's low moans when he touched her.
"Is
it silk?" he asked in a low voice.
Buffy
opened her eyes and asked, "W...what?"
"The
night gown...is it silk?"
"Y...yes
it is" She whispered, not understanding why he was asking her that.
"Take
it off, then...or I'll rip it myself" he gently ordered
Buffy
smiled at his words, and murmured, "Help me"
She raised her arms above her head and
looking at him whispered, "Undress me"
Giles
lowered his hands to her hips, then on her thighs, he grazed the fabric of her
night gown then he slowly helped her out of it.
As
he had already guessed Buffy was naked under the night gown.
He
touched her bare skin with both his hands, trying to ignore his arousal, though
it wasn't that difficult too mesmerized as he was by the softness of her skin
and by her scent.
He
let out a sigh and whispered, "Oh Lord, Buffy. You're so beautiful"
Buffy's
response to his words was a long, carnal kiss.
When
they parted from each other Buffy said, "You have too many clothes
on"
Giles
grinned at her then surprised her turning thus shifting positions so that he
was on top of her, now.
He
kissed her mouth, first, then her chin and neck and whispered, "I am sure,
we can do something about it"
Buffy
just grinned at him. She could feel his arousal through his trousers. Her hands
went on his shirt and she grazed his chest and shoulders, before she slowly
began unbuttoning it, while Giles was lightly nibbing her earlobe.
He
raised his head and Buffy was surprised by the look in his eyes, its green was
darker, yet there was a light in them which sent jolt of electricity throughout
her body.
Giles
grinned at her and said, "It's not silk...you can rip it off, I don't
really care."
He
then kissed her, while his hand began exploring her body in a sensual caress.
Buffy
began undressing him more quickly, helped by Giles, who never stopped, though,
touching her.
"I
can't believe this is really happening" She breathed when eventually Giles
was naked in her arms.
"I
second that" He said in a husky voice, lowering his hand to caress her
inner thighs. His fingers had just reached her center, when she stopped him
taking his face in both her hands.
Giles
looked at her worried, Buffy was smiling yet her voice was slightly cracked
when she said, "Make. Love. To. Me."
"I
want to make sure you are..."
Buffy
let out a shaky sigh and whispered, "I'm ready Giles, any more ready and
I'm going to howl to the moon. I want you inside of me. I need you inside of
me...now!" She giggled at her own words and said raising her eyebrows,
"Nympho much?"
Giles
shook his head and kissed her lips before saying, "I know what you mean,
and I know it's not just about sex."
Buffy
slowly nodded at his words. As always Giles knew what she meant with her words,
as usual he could see her innermost thoughts.
She
was glad he understood that her need of a physical contact went beyond sex. She
wanted him so bad that it almost hurt, though that was the sweetest pain she'd
ever known, but what she really wanted was to feel him close, so close she
could sense his soul and he could sense her.
"Make.
Love. To. Me." She slowly repeated spreading her legs for him and wrapping
them around his hips.
Giles
just smiled at her before saying, "Your wish is my command, Mrs.
Giles."
"Told
ya we were going to have fun, if ya kept this 'tude!" She deadpanned.
They
both chuckled for a second, then their eyes met, and
Buffy
was surprised by what she read in Giles' eyes. He was silently asking her
permission to go on, she just nodded before breathing against his lips,
"Make. Love. To. Me"
When
Giles entered her, Buffy felt her heart was going to explode.
He
was filling her, not only her body with a pleasure she'd ever known, but her
soul as well. She'd never felt that whole and when their glares fixed she knew
he was feeling the same.
While
their lovemaking grew in intensity, they both felt their souls connect in a way
it had never happened before.
Wave
after wave, the pleasure took them and they both felt their love, their bond strengthening
and when they climaxed, together, they really felt as one person, born from the
ashes of mistakes and regrets.
A
unique, perfect person, born from the ashes of fear of rejection and a silence
which had threatened to part them, for good.
They
both knew, however, that their past didn't matter anymore. They were together,
it was all which really mattered.
-9-
Spike
was looking at Willow's luggages. They were in a corner of the room. He had
avoided looking at them the whole week-end, yet they had been all he had been
able to look at for the past hour.
It
was their last hours together. Their week-end had gone by so quickly he almost
couldn't believe it.
He
felt Willow shivering in his arms, and without thinking he pulled her closer to
him, forgetting for an instant how cold his skin was.
Willow
didn't seem to mind, though. She snuggled against him, he could feel her smile
against his chest, Spike kissed her hair, feeling the sudden urge to sigh.
They
had talked a lot over the week-end, both aloud and through their link.
They
had talked about lots of things but their relationship, Spike knew that it was
the moment to talk about it.
~
I want you to see other people, Willow ~
"What?"
She asked in a low voice turning so that they were facing each other.
~
When you're in London...you'll meet someone and I don't want you to feel
committed to me... ~
"What
the *fuck* are you talking about?" She asked sitting on the bed.
Spike
was surprised. In the years he had known her he'd never heard her swearing.
~
Don't look at me, like that, Willow! You're young and beautiful. You're going
to meet someone and I don't want you... ~
"SHUT
UP" She shouted interrupting him.
~
I'm just trying not to be a selfish bastard for a change! ~
He
silently snapped. Willow turned toward him and shook her head, then closed her eyes
~
Well, you know what, Spike? I want you to be a selfish bastard! I want you to
be the worst selfish bastard ever! I want you to tell me I don't even have to
dare looking at another man as long as I live, because I'm yours ~
~
Why? ~ He silently asked.
~
Why? Bloody hell, Spike, dense much? Because it hurts like hell when you tell
me to go on with my life...because I don't want to tell you to do the same, to
go ahead with your un life, because I'd *so* gladly squeeze the life out of
every female who'll try to touch you ~
"Because
I love you, you bastard!" She whispered.
Spike
closed his eyes and shook his head
~
You don't make things easier, you know? ~
~
Duh, Spike! I'm a human madly in love with a vampire! I'm glad you've
eventually figured this one out! ~
Spike
grinned at her words and said, "I love you too, Willow, you know that,
don't you?"
Willow
just nodded and kissed his cheekbones, then placed her lips against his cool
forehead.
~
We can make this work, Spike. This is not the end for us ~
Spike
slowly nodded, but he said aloud, "It would never work, Red and you know
that. You're right, though. This is not the end. I'll always be there for
you"
Willow
lightly pulled away from him and looked at him in his eyes saying, "And
I'll always be there for you"
She
kissed his fore head and pulled him to her chest, whispering, "Can you
hear it? It's my heart beating and it belongs to you. It always will" She paused then slowly, but in a firm voice
added, "I always will"
Spike
wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her chest, fighting
the tears which were threatening to spill
~
My heart doesn't beat, Willow, but all I am is yours, it always will. I belong
to you ~
He
raised his head to meet her green eyes. He grinned at her and said, "I'm
really going soft, I know that."
Willow
grinned back at him and said, "Yeah, I noticed, but I kinda like
it..."
"You
did cast a spell on me, Willow...you made me fall so in love with you, that I
can barely recognize myself"
"No
spells...I can promise you. The mushiness was buried somewhere within
you..."
Spike
growled at her but there was amusement in his eyes. He kissed her lips and
said, "I've got something for you..."
He
got up from the bed and took something from his duster's pocket, when he
returned to the bed and sat next to her, Willow realized it was a jewelry box.
He
opened it revealing two plain silver bands.
~
I'm not the gold type guy, Willow ~
He
silently told her, sliding one of the bands on Willow's right ring finger.
~
I haven't got time to get something written behind it, but I'd like you to wear
it ~
Willow
slowly shook her head
"What?
You don't want to?" He asked aloud. Willow shrugged, and slid the ring on
her left ring finger saying, "Wrong hand"
~
It's not an engagement ring, Willow. ~ He silently explained.
"I
know, but we've just told each other we belong together...you don't have to
wear it on your left hand, but I'm gonna do it, so get over it, Spike!"
she said putting on her resolve face.
Spike
grinned at her, he took his ring and slid it on his left finger ring, then he
pulled her in a long kiss.
When
he reluctantly broke the kiss, to let her breathe,
Willow
tightly hugged him then whispered in his ear, "Drink from me"
Spike
pulled her lightly away and asked, "What?"
"I
want you to drink from me" she whispered.
Spike
couldn't help blinking. In the eight months they had been together he had never
drunk from her, he had never asked and she'd never offered to.
He
knew she hadn't done it for lack of trust, they both knew he would have never
hurt her, it had seemed, though, a too intimate act to both them.
He
longed to taste her blood, he could often smell it, and he was delighted by it,
he had often fought his demon not to bit her.
He
looked at her and asked, "Are you sure, Willow?"
"Yes"
she simply said, then whispered, "I want you to taste my blood, I know you
long for it."
"Am
I that obvious?" he asked raising his eyebrows
"Duh,
Spike! You're a vampire...you've done it for a hundred years, do the math!"
"I
don't want to taste your blood because I'm a vampire" He protested.
Willow
raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest.
~
Liar ~ she teased him.
Spike
couldn't help smiling, "Alright, a big ugly part of me wants to taste your
blood because I'm a vampire...albeit a part time one" He shrugged then added, "but when we
suck your blood, we feel your life, your feelings flowing into us, it's an
intense experience...almost as intense as making love"
"I
know" She just said, "That's why I asked you to drink from me. You
can read my mind...you know my body...it's about time you got the whole
package"
"I'd
offer you the same, but as we both know, we can't do that" he said.
"I
should say, so." She commented dryly.
Spike,
caressed her cheeks and whispered, "It won't hurt."
~I
won't hurt you ~ He silently added.
Willow
tilted her head on a side, offering him her neck and whispered, "I
know"
Spike
got close to her and placed his mouth on her neck.
He
licked it, smiling against it, when he heard Willow's moans. He kissed it,
feeling the blood flowing under her warm skin.
He
wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him, when he felt the demon
emerge. He scraped her neck's skin with his fangs and closed his eyes when he
slowly bit her.
He
blinked when he felt her sweet blood flowing in his throat. It was the sweetest
blood he'd ever tasted. In those brief moments, he knew all about her.
Her
shyness, her insecurities, but at the same time the passion and the fire which
lied just beneath the surface, her terrific magic powers, and the overwhelming
love she felt for him.
He
felt blood tears swelling in his eyes and let them fall. No one had ever loved
him so much.
Willow didn't care he was evil and proud of
that, she didn't care about his past. She loved him enough to let him be what
he really was. She trusted him enough to know he would ever hurt her.
~
Oh, God Spike...don't stop, please ~ She silently moaned gripping his shoulders
with her nails.
~
I've to, luv ~ He silently said, pulling her away from him.
Willow
looked at him, he was still in his game face, but she wasn't scared. She got close
to him and kissed his lips, tasting her own blood.
He
held her tight and whispered, "How do you feel?"
Willow
raised her head, he had morphed back on his human face, "I feel weird...my
head is spinning and there's a strange buzz in my ears"
"Blood
loss" he whispered. Willow noticed his cheeks were damp, red rivulets
marked them.
She raised her hands and wiped the blood
tears away from his cheeks saying, "Will you hold me for a while?"
Spike
nodded looking at the alarm on the night stand. The sun was about to rise. He
tilted his head down and looking at her said, "Lie down and rest for a
while."
Willow
who had lowered her head just nodded against his chest. They lay in silence for
a while. Spike was beginning to feel sleepy, when he heard Willow getting up
from the bed.
He
didn't open his eyes for a long time. He heard her enter the bathroom, the
noise of water running, her quiet sobs, which matched his silent tears.
He
heard her getting out from the bathroom and let himself got lost in her unique
scent for the last time.
He
heard her taking her bags from the floor and opening the door, then closing it
behind her.
That
was it.
Suddenly
it was all silent. There weren't noises, just a huge emptiness which threatened
to swallow him whole.
He
let out a sob and covered his mouth with a hand. He couldn't hear her for a
long time, then when a pain filled sleep was almost enveloping him, he heard
her again, so clear that he opened his eyes, sure she was in the room with him,
hoping she'd changed her mind.
~
I love you, William... ~
She
kept saying. Spike couldn't help smiling between the tears and whispered,
"I love you too Willow."
Music
Box
THIRD
PART: things happen.
********Three
Years Later***********
-1-
Blood.
He
could smell it, on his shirt and his skin, its smell was so strong that he was
sure he was about to throw up.
He
could feel it drying on his skin, his own blood and hers.
The
man who was sitting on that hospital chair was shattering. He felt his heart,
his soul slowly dissolving while he waited for the inevitable.
He
rested his head against a wall and gazed at the ceiling.
He
wasn't hurt, except for a scar on his forehead, he had trouble breathing,
though he couldn't tell whether it was for a physical cause.
"Don't
let her die, please..." The man whispered, "please, don't let her
die"
He
closed his eyes and kept whispering, "Don't let her die...take me, but
don't let her die..."
He
opened his eyes when he heard someone enter the room, it was a doctor, who
approached him saying, "Mr. Harris?"
Xander
got up from his chair and asked in a low voice, "How is my wife?"
The
doctor took a deep breath and said, "I'm afraid there is nothing we can
do" he paused then added, "You'd better call her relatives"
Xander
swallowed and closed his eyes, feeling like someone had squeezed the air out of
his lungs. He had to lean against a wall.
The doctor got close to him and said,
"You lost a lot of blood...you'd better sit down"
Xander
shook his head and said, "I've got to call our family..."
The
doctor nodded and left the room. Xander felt the first tears trail down his
cheeks while he repeated, "I've got to call our family"
-2-
The
ring of the telephone awoke Giles from a troubled sleep, he sat on the bed and
had to brush over his very pregnant wife to answer it.
Buffy
awoke when Giles switched on the nightstand’s lamp moaning, "Why Willow
hasn't learned yet the time difference
between here and New York?"
Giles
smiled at her then answered, "Hello?"
Buffy
opened her eyes. She could see from Giles' face it wasn't Willow on the other
side of the telephone.
She
touched his forearm, Giles squeezed her hand and closed his eyes before saying,
"I'll be right there"
He
hung up the telephone and turned toward her. His eyes were full of tears.
Buffy
instinctively put a hand on her swollen belly murmuring, "Who?"
Giles
swallowed and said, "Xander and Anya. They were both in a car
accident"
"Are
they..?" She asked gripping almost painfully his hand.
Giles
shook his head no, "Xander is fine, it was him over the phone,
Anya..." He paused, then added, "Anya couldn't make it through the
night..."
Buffy
got up from the bed saying, "Let's go. We'll call Willow and Spike on the
way to the hospital"
"Buffy"
he said getting up from the bed. Buffy was quickly dressing, she turned toward
him and said, "Let's go, Giles! You'll play concerned hubby and
daddy-to-be later, alright?"
"I..."
he whispered.
"I
said *let's go* !" she hissed.
Giles
just nodded before putting on something to wear, Buffy grabbed the car's keys a
stake and stormed out of their bedroom.
Giles
quickly followed wondering when had been last time he had been that scared for
one of his children.
-3-
The
trip to the hospital was quick, Buffy called Willow, who was working in New
York for the Watcher's Council, then she reached Spike who had been living on
his own for two years in Sunnydale on his cell phone.
They
both promised to arrive as soon as possible. When they arrived to the hospital,
they found out Spike was already there.
Over
the last three years he'd become an active member of the Scooby Gang, even when
they had been able to disable the chip which prevented him from hurting humans.
It was him who met them in the hallway
"Where
is Xander?" Buffy asked.
"He's
with Anya" he paused then said, "he's saying good-bye to her."
Buffy
gripped Giles' hand and closed her eyes, while tears began rolling down her
cheeks, she couldn't help sobbing against her husband's shoulder. Anya had
become a very good friend to her over the years.
She
felt Giles' hand stroking her hair and his quiet voice while he asked Spike,
"How is Xander?"
Spike's
silence was more eloquent than any words he could have said.
"Let's
go waiting for him." Spike said.
They
sat for long hours in the waiting room. None of them spoke, lost as they were
in their thoughts, in their memories.
Xander
and Anya had gotten married six months after
Buffy
and Giles' wedding. They had lived with them for a while, since they couldn't
afford nothing more.
Xander
had surprised them all, he was about to major in Anthropology and he had been
already offered a teaching job at the U.C. Sunnydale.
Their
lives had been fairly quiet. There had been dangers and crisis over the years,
but they'd been able to get past them with flying colors. They'd almost
forgotten that sense of utter impotence they were all feeling now.
Buffy
was sitting on a chair, caressing her swollen abdomen, trying her best not to
sob. Giles was leaning against a wall staring at an indefinite point in the
room, while Spike was slowly pacing the room.
He
was silent, yet he looked like he was busy in a silent conversation with
himself. None of them seemed to notice it, though.
They
all turned toward the door when they heard it open. Xander entered the room,
there was a huge scar on his forehead, and a bruise was beginning to form on
his left jaw, his eyes were red and puffy with crying, his clothes were
shredded and dirty with blood.
"She's
gone" he slowly said, his voice broken. Buffy was the first to get close
to him, she took him in her arms and hugged him tightly.
Xander
brushed her hair with trembling fingers before he slowly pulled her away from
him. Giles got close to him and shrugged before placing a hand on his shaking
shoulder.
Xander looked at the man who over the years
had become his best friend and whispered, "She's gone..."
Giles
nodded at the man in front of him, noticing new lines around his eyes.
Xander took a deep breath before saying,
"I love her...and she's gone" His voice broke when he asked,
"Why didn't I die in her place, Giles?"
Giles'
grip on Xander's shoulder strengthened. He didn't know what to say. Xander
looked at him shaking his head and said, "I suppose it doesn't matter
now."
Spike
had gotten close to the three of them, barely containing his rage. Xander had
told something about the accident.
Their
car had been pushed toward a guardrail by another car which was exceeding the
speed limit.
He
swore to himself whoever had killed Anya Harris, was dearly going to pay. He'd
grown fond of Xander and Anya. He'd gotten to love Anya, she'd helped him a lot
during the first few months after Willow had left for England. She'd been a
friend to him, a real friend, and he knew he was going to really miss her.
"Xander"
he slowly said.
The
man looked at the vampire with puzzled eyes.
"What?"
He weakly asked. He was tired, so tired. All he wanted was to crawl somewhere
and sleep until death took pity on him and took him away from that dulling pain
which was slowly swallowing him.
"I'm
sorry." Spike simply said.
"Yeah...well,
so am I" Xander said shaking his head.
He knew that for Spike saying this out loud was hard so he looked at the
vampire, who had been the first one to arrive at the hospital and added,
"Thank you...Anya...well, she loves ..." he stopped and he shook his
head again saying, "loved...I gotta remember that..." he closed his
eyes, feeling breathless then he slowly added, "She loved you...she always
said you were a good friend to her."
"Do
you want me to take care of ... Giles started.
Xander
shook his head and said, "No, thank you. I'll take care of that.
Why...uhm..." he shook his head and took a deep breath, leaning on Giles
for a second.
His
head was spinning and he was hyperventilating. His throat itched for the urge
to scream, but he ignored that urge.
He
knew that if he began screaming and crying he wouldn't have ever been able to
stop.
They
all helped him to sit on a chair, Xander nodded at them and said, "I just
need to sit down for a while...and I'll be fine..."
He
put his hands on his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. He stared at the wall
which was in front of him for a while and slightly smiled while tears began
rolling on his cheeks. He didn't seem aware of that, though.
Buffy
looked at Giles, worried, then at Spike who shook his head and placed a hand on
Giles' shoulder. Giles looked at the vampire and understood the look in his
eyes he knelt in front of Xander and said, "Xander?"
Xander's
smile widened, yet a throaty noise escaped from his smiling lips. Giles took
him by the shoulders and shook him saying aloud, "Xander? Can you hear
me?"
Xander
didn't seem to hear him. He was sobbing, yet his lips were curved in a smile.
Buffy got actually scared by that smile. Last time she'd seen it, Xander's body
had been possessed by a hyena.
She
couldn't kneel in front of him but she stroked his hair, whispering,
"Xander, please can you hear us?"
Xander
just kept smiling, while tears spilled on his cheeks. He didn't seem aware of
their presence anymore. He kept gazing at a point in the room.
"Spike?"
Giles slowly said, without breaking eye contact with Xander, "Go and call
a doctor, Xander is in shock." He paused then added, "You should
leave, the sun is about to rise."
Spike
nodded and left the waiting room, leaving Buffy and Giles alone with Xander.
Giles began talking to Xander in a calm, soothing voice.
He
told him everything was going to be fine, he told him the pain was eventually
going to fade, he told him they were going to be by his side, helping him
through what was happening to him.
When
the doctor arrived, Xander had stopped crying, he was just staring at a wall.
The
doctor knelt in front of him and checked on his pulse, he then flashed a light
in his eyes. He got up and said, "He's in shock. We'll give him a mild
sedative and keep him under observation....are you family?" he asked Buffy
and Giles.
"Yes,
we are." Giles said. Buffy and him had become Xander and Anya's next of
kin two years before, after the death of Xander's mother.
"I
don't want to stay here" Xander suddenly said in a cracked voice.
"Mr.
Harris, you're ..." the doctor began.
Xander
slowly got up and then looking at the doctor said in a colorless voice,
"My wife is just dead, I want to stay with my family...not in a hospital
room, thank you. "
"Mr.
Harris..." the doctor began.
Giles,
though, placed a hand on the doctor's shoulder and looked at him saying, "We'll take care of him."
The
look in Giles' eyes, told the doctor he wouldn't have heard another word from him
except for a yes, so he lightly shrugged and said turning toward Xander,
"Mr. Harris are you sure?"
"Yes,
I am. " he paused then added, "Thank you. I know you did all you
could, to save her."
The
doctor nodded. Xander let out a sigh and shook his head then said, "Let's
get out of here, please"
Giles
and Buffy stood by his side, and they slowly walked out from the hospital.
-4-
The
funeral was held the evening after. There were few people at it.
The Scooby Gang was all gathered around
Xander, who stood still the whole time, not shedding a tear, not saying a word
to anyone, just holding a white rose so tight that the thorns in it lacerated
his flesh making him bled, though he didn't seem to notice until Spike told him
to wash the blood away from his hand.
His
friends looked at him without knowing what to do. Xander hadn't talked to any
of them about what he was feeling, not even to Willow.
He
was staying with Buffy and Giles, though none of them never saw him.
It
was two evenings later when Giles called Willow, telling her they needed her.
Willow arrived at Buffy and Giles' house. It was Giles who opened the door.
Willow let herself in and pulled Giles in a quick hug before asking, "Is
he upstairs?"
Giles
just nodded while he was closing the door and said, "He is in the
bedroom."
Willow
shook her head and whispered, "It's so unfair...they visited me last month
and they were both so happy..."
Giles
didn't know what to say, so he just shrugged noticing how her eyes as those of
all of us, except Spike's were still red and puffy, they had all cried a lot
over the last two days.
He
noticed the bag she was carrying as well, she just shrugged and placing it on the
floor said before going upstairs, "Watcher's duty...ya know. " she
paused then added, "It's been good to see you again...even if I'd liked
not to come back for this reason "
Giles
just nodded at the woman's words and watched her while she went upstairs. He
closed his eyes and sighed then threw the mug he was holding in his hands
against a wall, wincing when he heard it shattering. Tears rolled on his
cheeks, while he mourned for his lost friend.
-5-
"May
I come in?" Willow said after knocking at the bedroom's door.
She
waited for Xander's answer for a second then she knocked again, when she didn't
hear him answer she opened the door.
Xander was nowhere to be seen.
"Xander?"
she called.
She
entered the room, it was dark except for a lamp on the night stand which was
on, the sheets were disheveled.
There
was a torn jacket on the bed. Willow's eyes filled with tears when she saw the
blood on it, only then she heard the noise of water running from the bathroom.
She
took some steps forward then knocked at the bathroom's door, when no one
answered she got scared.
~
Why did you leave him alone? ~ she silently asked Spike.
She knew he was in the house, though she
hadn't seen him, yet. They hadn't had time to be alone and talk since she'd
arrived.
~
He sent us away, Willow...~ Spike answered.
Willow
shook her head and opened the door, surprised when she didn't find it locked.
She was prepared to the worst, seeing Xander dead on the floor, or something
like that, she actually expected the worst.
She didn't imagine the worst could be seeing
Xander sitting in the bathtub, still dressed like the day before, while the
shower's cold water was pouring over him.
"Xander?"
she tentatively asked.
Xander
closed his eyes, hugging his knees more tightly, he buried his face on his
knees.
Willow got close to him repeating,
"Xander? It's me, Willow."
Xander
didn't raise his head but said, "She's gone, Will...I tried to help
her...but she's gone...I just held when she died...I saw her life leaving
her...and couldn't stop it..."
"I'm
sorry" she whispered kneeling in front of him, "I'm so sorry..."
Xander
raised his head, Willow noticed his lips were purple and he was deathly pale.
She got on her knees and leaned toward Xander turning off the water, then said,
"Let's
get out of here...you must be freezing"
"I
like it" He simply said.
"Yeah,
really? Remind me of it when you catch pneumonia" she said grabbing a towel
from a shelf behind her. She wrapped it
around Xander's shoulders and began stroking his back but she stopped, letting
slip the towel on the floor when he said, "As if I fucking care!"
Willow
shook her head and said, "Yeah, whatever you say, Xand...now just get the
hell out of this bathtub, will you?"
She
helped him stand up, he was soaking wet, he leaned on her while she helped him
to get out from the bathtub.
"Stay
put" She said while she began unbuttoning his wet shirt, she let it fall
on the floor, when she reached his trousers' belt she raised her head and said,
"You've got to help me on this one, ok Xander?"
The
man was trembling now but he nodded and helped her undressing him. She took a
deep breath and said, "Now don't move. I'll get you a robe, ok? Don't go
suicidal on me, please..."
Xander
couldn't help smiling a little at her words. Willow got out from the bathroom
and returned some seconds later holding a robe in her hands, she handed it to
him and said, "Here, put it on..."
He
slowly obeyed her, while new tears began swelling in his eyes, he shrugged and
said wrapping himself tightly in it, "We bought this for Giles, last
Christmas. Anya chose it."
"Yeah?
I sent him a tie...Buffy told me he still hates me for it and still hates the
tie with a passion..." she replied.
She
wasn't going to let him drown in his sorrow. As much as the others loved him
they didn't know him as she did. They didn't know how to deal with him.
She
wrapped an arm around his waist and led him to the bedroom. She made him lie on
the bed and covered him with the blankets, she took her coat off and added it
to the blankets, noticing that Xander was still shivering.
"You'll
soon feel better..." she whispered sitting next to him.
"Will
I?" he asked looking at her for the first time. He shrugged then said,
"Well yeah, I've just buried my wife, made sure she hasn't returned as a
vampire, so perhaps you are right Willow, I can happily go on with my
life!"
Willow
shook her head and said, "No, Xander. You'll still mourn, you'll still
feel like shit, but eventually you'll start feeling better, and you'll live,
because Anya would have wanted you to keep living..."
"Yeah,
I guess so...but problem is I don't want to...I just want to be with her
again."
"And
drowning yourself in Buffy and Giles' bathtub was going to help you to?"
she asked raising her eyebrows.
"Christ,
Willow, why don't you just get the hell out of here?" he snapped, sitting
on the bed.
"Not
on your life, Xand." She whispered.
"You're
not needed here, you're not wanted here...just get the fuck out of here!"
he shouted.
"You
already told me this, though in less colored words, I'd say and I'd already
answered you. " she calmly replied.
"Why
can't you just leave me alone?" he asked. He couldn't help the tears which
were clouding his sight.
Willow
shrugged and said, "I guess old habits are really hard to die"
Xander
shook his head and smiled through the tears, his smile quickly faded in a
grimace and soon he found himself pulled against his friend, crying,
"I...I don't know how to go on...I don't know what I'll do without
her..."
"You'll
live, Xander" Willow whispered against his damp hair, she took a deep
breath and added, "You'll always miss her, but one day you'll love
again...and you'll be happy again."
Xander
shook his head and pulled away saying, "Look at me Willow! I'm not even
thirty...and I feel like I've lived too many lives. I've lost so many
people...I...I know I won't love again...I won't let myself to...no more pain,
please...no more pain..."
He
sobbed against her chest, repeating those last words over and over.
"It
will get better, Xander...I promise" she whispered when he finally drifted
to sleep. "I promise you..."
-6-
"Don't
ever dare touching me again, you bastard!" Buffy said Giles through
clenched teeth while a contraction hit her.
She gripped her husband's hand trying not to
scream.
"I
know it hurts, love..." Giles whispered brushing away some damp locks from
her forehead.
"You
have no idea...oh, God!" she shouted arching her head
"Breathe,
love...breath" Giles said caressing her hair.
Buffy
looked at him and hissed, "I know!"
Buffy
nodded trying to breathe as she'd been taught. She felt Giles' hand on her
neck, she raised her head and looking at his husband said, "I wasn't
serious before...it was the pain talking"
Giles
smiled, "I know, love..."
"Quite
sure of yourself, uh?" Buffy said smiling, her smile faded when another
contraction hit her, she bit her bottom lip not to scream, but she didn't
succeed, she let out a muffled scream, she felt Giles brushing hair away from
her face and murmuring, "You are fantastic, love..."
"Yeah?
Just wait until I knock you out for putting me in this mess!" she said.
Giles
smiled at his wife, ignoring the nurses' giggles, she turned toward Buffy's
doctor asking in his best Ripper voice, "Can't you give her something to
ease the pain?"
Buffy
almost laughed at his husband's voice between breaths, she raised her head and
said, "Now, Giles don't go Ripper on us, will ya?"
The
doctor, swallowed but shook his head saying, "I'm afraid it's too late, I
can see the baby's head, now Buffy, at the next contraction I want you to push,
alright?"
Buffy
just nodded, while she felt another contraction coming, she pushed, gripping
Giles' hand hoping she wasn't breaking it.
"Push,
love..." Giles instructed her. Buffy tightened her grip on Giles' hand and
said through gritted teeth, "Shut the hell up...I know I've to push!"
Another
contraction hit her, Buffy pushed with all her might letting out a primal groan
while doing it.
She
then dropped into his husband's arms, and couldn't help crying when she heard
her baby's first cry.
"It's
a girl!" the doctor happily said.
Buffy
weakly raised her head and looked at his husband, seeing mirrored in his eyes her
same concern. She swallowed and asked, "How is she?"
"She's
fine, Mrs. Giles...see for yourself" the doctor said placing the baby on
Buffy's stomach.
Buffy's
smile lit the room, she grazed her baby's cheeks and said in a cracked voice,
"Hey, little one...welcome..." She chuckled when she heard Giles
clearing his throat and said, "The big man who's trying his best not to
cry is your daddy..." She took the baby in her arms and raised her head to
look at his husband saying, "So G-Daddy, say hi to your daughter"
-7-
The
two months following Anya's death, had flown by in a haze to all of them.
Willow
had returned to New York, calling them everyday to know how Xander was coping,
she hadn't had time to be with Spike when she'd returned home for Anya's
funeral.
They'd
only had a moment when she'd left Xander. She'd gotten out from the house and
had sit on a bench in the garden, letting go of the sorrow she'd felt when
she'd seen Xander.
She
had still been crying when had heard Spike's voice.
"Long
time no see, Red" He had said aloud.
~I
missed you ~ He'd silently told her.
"Well,
yeah...it's been a long time" She had said wiping away tears from her face
with the back of her hand.
~I
missed you too ~ She had silently added.
Spike
had sat next to her on the bench saying, "Life sucks, Red..."
"That's
an understatement if I ever heard one" She had whispered, longing for him
to hold her, but knowing he wasn't going to do it, with Buffy and Giles still
up in the house.
Spike
had lit a cigarette and Willow had noticed he still had the ring on.
She
had smiled and clutched the necklace she had been wearing, she'd put the ring there
before arriving to Sunnydale, realizing she almost felt naked without it on her
finger. She'd never took it off since he'd given it to her.
"How
are things going in...Chicago? It's where you live, right?" He had asked
aloud
~
Do you still jog in Central Park? ~ he had silently asked.
"I'm
in New York" she had said, smiling through the tears at the double
conversation they had been having.
~
Yes...and thanks for the sweater ~
"Whatever"
he had said aloud.
~
You're most welcome, luv. ~
"So
how are things going in New York?" he had asked again.
~
Does your right shoulder still hurt? ~ he had silently asked, referring to an
accident she'd had six months before while fencing, still remembering how he'd
felt her pain as if it had been his own.
"Fine...is
everything fine" she had whispered.
~
Not much, it's just a little sore when it rains ~
They'd
kept in touch over the years, both through their link and more common means,
yet the funeral had been the first time they'd seen each other for three years,
since Willow hadn't been able to attend Xander and Anya's wedding.
They
both were alone, none of the relationships they'd tried to start with other
people had lasted. Though they hadn't talked about it, they both knew no one
could ever replace the other's place in their hearts.
They
both knew that what they shared was unique, but they knew as well, that they
couldn't be together.
"How
is Xander?" he had asked.
~
How are you? ~
"Not
good."
~I
feel like death warmed over, no offence...~
Spike
had shaken his head and had whispered, "None taken..."
~
Hold me, please...~ she had silently begged.
~
The Watcher is looking at us through the blinds...he's probably afraid I'll
hurt you...~
~
Yeah...I wasn't here when they disabled the chip...oh, scary, ugly vampire o'
mine ~ she had said, teasing him. She hadn't been afraid of him, though.
~
Ah, ah...Watcher's humor? ~ he had silently asked, amused.
~
Nature's gift ~ she had dryly replied.
Spike
had looked around, then had taken her left hand in his and had lightly squeezed
it. Willow had closed her eyes taking a deep breath before intertwining her
fingers with his.
~
You're not wearing the ring ~ he had silently said, trying to hide his
disappointment.
Willow
had opened her eyes and had looked at him, shrugging
~I
took it off on the plane, I've it on my necklace...the one you sent me for
Christmas last year. It was weird I'd never took it off before. ~
Willow
had noticed Spike had grinned at her words.
~
I'm glad you're still wearing it ~ he had told her.
~
and I'm glad you still wear yours. ~ she had replied a grin matching Spike's
~
Always, Willow...always. ~ He had said, Willow had found herself in tears for
the double meaning in his words.
~
Always, Spike...always ~ She had silently echoed his words, before letting go
of his hand.
She
had stood up and had returned the house, leaving him alone in the garden. When
Spike had entered the house, Willow had already left.
Now
they were all together again, in a hospital's waiting room, waiting for Buffy
and Giles' baby to be born.
Willow
was sitting next Joyce who was nervously biting her nails, Spike was pacing the
room shaking his head and wondering aloud, why the hell did he care about all
that.
Xander was sitting on a chair near the
window, apparently lost in thought. He'd grown thin in those months, a black
beard covered his face. He was dressed in black from head to toe.
"Spike
will you quit pacing? You're driving us crazy" Xander quietly said.
Spike
stopped in his tracks, surprised to hear him, he hadn't said a single word
since they'd gotten to the hospital.
"Sure,
mate..." Spike told sitting next to him. He looked at him, there were deep
circles under his eyes and he was too pale.
"Do
you want something to eat?" Spike asked him. Xander looked at him
surprised but shook his head and said, "I'm not hungry"
"Look
mate, you really look like shit...you've gotta eat something..." Spike
said.
Xander
raised an eyebrow at him and hissed, "I. Am. Not. Hungry."
~
Twinkies...ask him if he wants some Twinkies...~
Willow
silently suggested. Spike frowned and asked, "What about some
Twinkies?"
A
shade of a smile crossed Xander's lips but it soon faded yet he said,
"Alright..."
"Good..."
Spike said. He turned toward Willow and Joyce and asked, "You want
something?"
Both
women shook their heads. Spike got up and left the waiting room. Xander
shrugged and said, "It's almost scary...Spike is actually concerned for
me..."
"Well,
he's not that bad" Joyce absently commented smiling.
"Yeah...he
even saved Buffy's life once or twice over the years" Xander said, he
shook his head then added, "It must be love"
"It
must be w...what?" Willow asked blinking.
"Don't
tell me you don't know about it, Will. We all know he's in love with someone,
though none of us know who she is " he closed his eyes, when he reopened
them he said in a low voice, "Anya knew, though she never told me..."
Willow
shrugged, and looked at the door, waiting for news about the baby...and of
course for Spike.
She
hid a smile when Spike returned in the waiting room handing Xander a pack of
twinkies, noticing the weird look in the man's face.
"What?"
Spike asked looking at Xander.
Xander
almost smiled when he said, "We were talking about your secret
affair"
"My
secret... what?" Spike asked trying his best not to turn and look at
Willow
"Spike,
you've got to admit you've really changed. You willingly help the
children" Joyce added smiling
"Uhm...well...I
made a kind of a promise to someone" he said without looking at them. He
had promised Willow during their last week end together he would have helped
the others.
He had kept his promise, in the beginning just
for Willow, then when the kids had saved his unlife from a powerful demon,
risking their lives in order to do it, he'd begun being a real member of the
Scooby Gang, even when the chip had been disabled he'd kept helping them.
"Who
made you promise to help us?" Xander asked surprised. He'd always wondered
why Spike had helped them over the years.
Spike
sat on a chair, he didn't answer them, but he grazed his ring with his right
hand's fingers, that didn't go unnoticed to Xander, who said, "I've always
wondered where this ring came from"
Spike
looked at Willow, she smiled at him, he felt she was finally ready to talk. He
opened his mouth and was about to talk when a tired, sweating, but grinning
Giles entered the waiting room.
They
all stood up, forgetting what they were talking about and looked at the man,
then Spike said, "So...are you gonna grin forever, mate?"
"Roxanne
Alexandra Will Giles, made her appearance twenty five minutes ago" Giles
proudly said.
"How
is Buffy?" Joyce asked, wiping away tears from her eyes.
"She
is fine, though very tired. You'll be able to see her in a few minutes. They're
taking our little girl to the nursery" he said smiling.
"Little
Alexandra..." Xander said, a light smile crept on his lips.
"Little
Will?" Spike and Willow said in unison looking at each other.
Giles
smiled at his friends and said, "Come with me I'll take you to the
nursery."
"Little
Will" Spike repeated smiling
~
You're a uncle, Spike...~
Willow
silently told him. She had been smiling, her tone had been a teasing one, yet
Spike had sensed the sadness behind it.
He
knew how Willow loved children and how she'd given up on having them, though
being still young.
~I
wish you...~
He
began while they were watching Buffy and Giles' beautiful baby. He felt
Willow's hand on his waist, she was next to him.
He
turned and looked at her, she was smiling a sad smile, not caring about the
others he put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him.
~I
wish we ...~ he silently repeated.
~
Me too...~ she silently said leaning against him.
"Me
too" she finally whispered only for him to hear.
-8-
"May
we come in?" Willow said entering Buffy's room with the others.
"As
if you need permission" Buffy replied.
The
Scooby Gang and Joyce gathered around Buffy's bed. Joyce looked at her
daughter, who thanks to her slayer's fast healing didn't look at all like a
woman who had had twelve hours of labor.
She sat next to her and commented,
"You're beautiful, honey "
"I'm
tired..." she said suppressing a yawn.
"Duh,
Buffy!" Willow said smiling, her previous sadness gone.
"You
know? I really missed ya, Will" Buffy wryly said. She looked at her friends
and asked, "Did you see her?"
"She
is beautiful" they all said.
Buffy
couldn't help giggling, "Yeah...she's really beautiful..."
They
chatted for a while, even Xander seemed more happy they'd seen him in the last
months.
They stopped talking when Giles' entered the
room, holding the baby. Buffy couldn't help the tears which welled in her eyes
at the sight of her husband carrying their child.
They'd
purposely waited before conceiving a child. Now she wondered why they'd waited
that long. Seeing her husband holding their child took her breath away.
Giles
sat next to her and carefully placed the baby in Buffy's arms. she looked up at
her friends and happily said, "I'm a mom...can you believe it?"
They
all laughed, then almost in unison asked whether they could hold the baby.
Joyce was the first, she looked at the baby
and said, "She has your eyes, Rupert...but the gleaming in them, it's all
Buffy's"
They
all chuckled at Joyce's words. The woman turned and expertly placed the baby in
Willow's arms.
The
red-head beamed at the baby and whispered, "Hey, it's auntie Willow
here...you're a very lucky baby girl, ya know?" She then whispered a
prayer to her goddess, to protect the baby from any harm.
She turned toward Spike and smiled at him.
The vampire fought the lump in his throat at the sight of the woman he loved
with a baby in her arms, he then turned toward Buffy and shyly asked, "May
I?"
Buffy
and Giles exchanged a look then Buffy shrugged and said, "Of course...but
remember Spike..."
"
I know...stake, big pile of dust yadda, yadda, yadda..." he said.
They
all chuckled at Spike's words. Willow placed the baby in Spike's arms, ignoring
the sudden urge to cry.
Their
hands touched for a second.
~I
love ya...~ She silently said.
~
Not as much as *I* love you ~ he silently replied.
~
Wanna bet? ~ she silently replied.
"Little
Roxie, that's your uncle Spike" Willow softly whispered, kissing the
baby's forehead.
She
stepped back and took a look at Spike holding the baby. She grazed the ring
through the shirt .
~
Life sucks...~ she silently told him.
"Tell
me about it..." Spike said without looking at her, he was smiling at the baby
who was smiling back at him.
"Tell
you about what, Spike?" Xander who was beside him, asked.
Spike
raised his head surprised and blinked asking, "Did I say that out
loud?"
They
all nodded at him, Spike just shrugged and said, "I was thinking out
loud."
He
then turned toward Xander and placing the baby in his arms said, "Be
careful mate..."
Xander
just nodded, holding the baby in his arms. He looked down at her.
The
baby looked back at him and lengthened a hand grabbing his beard.
Something
in Xander's heart melted then, he smiled at the baby and said in a cracked
voice, "Welcome Roxie. This world is a mess, but never fear we'll protect
you... "
THE
END.